Archive for January 2011

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If I Ever Became A Mother…

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I could not be like my mother.  Why?  I’m not that good/kind/nice.  I would not be selfless.  I don’t know anyone my age who would be selfless if they were to become mothers… we as a generation have become too selfish, too demanding.  My mother is someone I can’t even talk about on this blog because there is just too much emotion there.  *DISCLAIMER; The following is not a true story of ANYONE I know… just a scenario to explain why being a woman is freaking difficult so I may have borrowed or embellished things*
I just don’t understand the concept of being a mother.  Just imagine.  Not too long ago you’re a little girl walking around licking an ice cream cone and playing hop scotch (hopefully not at the same time).  You grow up, go out with your friends/family/sisters, learn how to cook… fall in love or somehow get married and then bam.  Your whole life is over.  It’s over for YOU… and now your whole life is put on the back burner/back seat/second fiddle to your children. 
Your children grow up thinking that their life is more important, that you should put everything on hold for them, and you do!  You wake up every morning, make tea for your husband, get his food and clothes ready, see your kids off to school, clean up the house, cook food for the family, pick your kids up from school, do the laundry, do the dishes, go to work maybe part time, come back, cook again and maybe just maybe get a spare hour for yourself to read a book or watch a tv program if you’re lucky and your daughter isn’t watching her PVR’d Gossip Girl episodes.
On top of the demands of a husband and the stresses of having a job and looking after a house financially and figuratively, you have to worry about your daughter wanting to go clubbing and being out with her friends at late hours of the night and how she is constantly busy doing one unusual or dangerous activity after another, then there’s your son wanting to join a fight club/MMVA type of club, your other two daughters are essentially good but you have three total and not one of them is married.  Then there’s the pain of losing your parents.  I mean, how do you handle the stress?  How do you find happiness?  When is it YOUR TURN to live????
It just seems like being a woman is so difficult.  Being a mother is so difficult.  I would love to be a mother one day let me just throw that out there, I think my life would be very odd if I never had children one day but I just think that it is an insanely difficult task.  One day you belong to your father and you have to listen to everything he says, then you belong to your husband and his family, then you bring up your children and then maybe your daughter in law and son don’t look after you (in an Asian type household) and you grow old and your daughters leave you to get married and live their own lives.  It just seems so sad.  When do you get to live for yourself?  When does a woman get to live for herself? 
I don’t want that to be my life.  I don’t want to belong to anyone or put my life on hold for anyone, ever.  That is a quality that I think good mothers have though…they are selfless and want the best for their children.  They put their children first.  They put their children’s happiness before their own. 
That is why I say, I can never be like my mother…


When You Go Away

It feels like you’re still here… or rather still there and I am here.  It feels like I can still reach you, like you’re still going about your day, still thinking your thoughts, still waking up every morning.  I’m so sorry for every lost moment.  I keep thinking back to the last time I hugged you, the last night we were together.  I didn’t sleep all night.  I knew it then, I knew in my heart that it was going to be the last time.  I didn’t want to let you go, I didn’t want to walk out that door.  I kept looking back.  I kept looking back.  I see you waving at me, and I can’t believe that I pretended that everything was ok.  Acting normal, not breaking down and you saying that you’ll see me soon and not to cry.  Did you know?  I remember your hug, your skin, your hair, your voice.  I knew it then.  I knew it then.
You were the most beautiful person I have ever met.  I know there is a God because God was in you.
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your
laughter rises was oftentime filled with your tears...
When you are joyous, look deep into
your heart and you shall find it is only
that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in
your heart, and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been
your delight.

~ Kahlil Gibran
It’s hard when you know someone is leaving you forever and there is nothing you can do.  You want so badly to stop time and you tell yourself in your head: Sharin you must remember every aspect of this moment, for it will never come again.  You try like a silly human to use your fancy contraptions that are supposed to help you freeze a moment or feel close to a person.  A photograph.  A video.  A phone call.  Funny thing, the human mind.  It can remember every line of your favourite move, every word of your favourite song.  It can remember a dance you performed when you were five years old, or a trillion passwords and account numbers…but it can’t bring back every aspect of a past moment.  It is in the complexities, powers and failures of a human’s memory that I sense an omniscient all knowing God.  Our failed and flawed memory is a blessing, for if I could remember every moment, I would live each day reliving them.
You only live once.  No matter what you believe in, this is the only thing we know, that we only have one chance to live this life.  Do with it what you will…you choose to be fully present… argue incessantly with people you love, make passionate love, backpack through Europe or Asia, sit on a computer and find people with mutual interests on a social networking site, or sit and read this blog for hours, but whatever you do…be fully present for the moment will never come again.  All I know is, there are two times in my life when I seriously thought…what if I had died because of this… perhaps by not shoulder checking or having a car make a left turn at an intersection and then suddenly stop, not looking when I crossed the street…whatever the moment may have been.. I thought, what if this was it?  The end.  The first thought that came to my mind on both times?  I argued with my mother today.  My second thought was ew omg I can’t believe I was wearing mismatched underwear :P lol jk haha…  I know, I know, I just ruined the entire feeling and emotion of this blog with that last comment hahaha.  Go call a human being you’ve been staring at a computer screen for far too long.

D’Angelo and Amanda = Superstars!

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Aw look at his face how cutee.  K WATCH THE VIDEO:
D'Angelo Castro & Amanda Carbajales are my two new fav people!!!  I saw them on Paula Abdul’s new show Live to Dance and I was just blown away.  First of all I thought it was freaking adorable how they are “boyfriend and girlfriend” (did I mention she’s 10 and he’s 9?) and that they’ve been dancing together for 3 years!  They’ve been dance partners since they were like 6 years old that’s so amazing!  Honestly, some people are just born to dance.  Some people are just born to be amazing. 
As soon as Amanda (ok D’Angelo is a lil cutie pie but I am dying over Amanda right now) walked on stage I was like WHOA this girl has IT.  She’s a fiery little dynamo and she has grace, femininity and a sensuality beyond her years.  I’m completely in love with her she’s my new crush… not in a pedo way.  I just totally adore them I think they make a very cute couple (! my new fav couple awww!!!) and I think it’s awesome that their parents are there supporting them.  Actually throughout the whole show Live to Dance it was really nice to see so many children there with their parents cheering them on.  I really like the way she makes a little facial expression after certain moves like oh are you watching ooh check this out.  It’s the little oomphs and pows you say with your body and face as you dance like BAM yes I just did that… it comes across in your face.  She has “nakhra”, it’s something that comes from within that simply can’t be taught.  She knows her audience, she knows her body, she knows how to not only dance but PERFORM.  Her extensions and the way she finishes her moves and the effortless way she does it all gives me chills.  Love them!
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I’m one of those people who love a little bit of everything, so I’ve never really dedicated myself wholly to one thing, and in that way I’ve always felt a little bit like a fraud.  I mean how can I say I love dance when I haven’t trained for hours everyday or given up everything to pursue it like THEM?  How can I say I love the media when I don’t give myself to that… or acting or writing or whatever it may be.  Would Beyonce have become who she was without her parents support?   Without her dad quitting his job or her mom supporting her?  Would Britney have?  Maybe, maybe not.  
Some people don’t have the luxury of pursuing their dream so I don’t really judge someone’s passion based on whether they are actively pursuing it as a career.  in general if someone tells me they love to do something I just figure they’re as madly, passionately in love with it as I am about the things I love… even if they didn’t give up their firstborn child to get it and just do it as a hobby.  Who am I to judge love?  Who am I to say that they can’t really love ________ because if they did they would have gone after it for real?  I do know though that, I love dance. 
Without dance… there is no life.  I’ve been dancing since I was 4 or 5 years old (that’s as far as I can remember).  I really believe that, life is just black and white without dance.  People I know who used to dance and then stop and never dance again I feel have given up on their life and youth.  Dance has always been the thing that has kept me going.  I remember one day when I was going through a dark day… I told myself it doesn’t matter because as long as I can dance, I am not alone.  Ok wait, that’s actually not that powerful of a sentence because I’m sure I’ve said the same thing about chocolate, hindi movies, books and my mp3 player but you get the point… DANCE IS AWESOME. 
How did we as human beings get up and start shakin’ our money maker?  When did this come about?  What is this thing inside of us that REACTS to music and beats the way that we do?  Dance is our soul telling our body to celebrate life and I’m going to keep celebrating.

Break Ke Baad

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If only life were really like a hindi movie.  If you haven’t watched this film yet…spoiler alert. 
Let’s see… this movie has some decent songs, nothing I’m going to put on my mp3 player but they were ok to watch, the characters were fresh and nice to watch and the story line was not too bad.  Deepika desperately needs a new make up artist, or a new dermatologist because for someone so beautiful her skin is so lacklustre and the complete opposite of luminescent that it detracts from her beauty.  Step one is she needs some blush.
The only thing I have against this movie is once again the “love conquers all” theme seeps into the movie and ruins everything.  It started off okay showing the love between Aaliya?  and Gelato?… or was it Gulati? or maybe his name was Abhay?  Sorry AALIYA AND ABHAY there you go. 
BRIEF SYNOPSIS: They met when they were kids, had a mutual obsession for hindi movies… she was not your typical girl (other than the love for SRK and obsession for hindi movies bit).  She wasn’t the kind of girl who fantasized about her dream wedding lets just put it that way.  She applied to go to school in Australia without telling her mom and boyfriend and then she told her bf Abhay she wanted a break and kicked it to Australia.  He got insecure and clingy, subsequently she got mad, he followed her there, she got even more mad and officially broke up with him.  He stayed and refused to let go (or to leave the house she was sharing with 2 other roommates)…finally she thought he had moved on, he realizes she has moved on, she tells him to get married etc he leaves to go back to India.  He plans his wedding, the date is set everyone’s ready to roll, then she realized she actually did love him and flew back to India to propose to him only to find out that SURPRISE, he figured she would come back all along and the wedding that was scheduled was actually for the two of them.  They get married and live happily ever after.
I thought everything was pretty legit other than the end.  Aaliya seemed like a lot of people I know.  Sometimes people end relationships that they never thought that they would.  It’s hard for the Abhay’s of the world to deal with that and they often don’t believe it and so I thought it was interesting how they actually reflected this in the move.  I mean, Abhay was delusional in the movie.  I understand how he feels though… I mean you make promises to love a person no matter what, and to never let the relationship fail.  So all of a sudden when your love wants to end the relationship you think…is this just a test?  Didn’t I make a promise to never let this relationship end?  Maybe Aaliya thinks she wants a break up and then if I actually move on and she realizes that she made a mistake later, I gave up too early!  Maybe I’m supposed to wait this one out.  I mean, she loves me how can she not?  People expect you to realize that the relationship is over and to move on but do you just love a person and stop when they claim they stopped loving you?  Is that what love is…reliant on the other persons reciprocation?  Of course not!  That’s why you have to stick it through to the end Abhay!… love this person till you die and never love anyone else!  Until one day you wake up and realize… that she left you.  Something changes inside you after a certain amount of time and you realize…nothing can ever be the same again.  She left you, she didn’t want to try to sort it out, she was just done.  Finito.  And then you get somewhat mad.  You DO NOT make a fake wedding and chop her name on the wedding card “knowing” that she would come running from Australia to profess her love.  THIS IS THE PART OF HINDI MOVIES I HATE!!  It’s just not realistic.  And then when she does show up and she says she wants him back, HE DOESN’T EVEN YELL AT HER!  I would be like UM HELLOOOOO you forgot about all of this when you said we were done?  It would hurt too much to take you back and I don’t want to get hurt again?  Bye bye?  But no of course, they get married and live happily ever after. 
Bah humbug.  I’m going to bed.  Goodnight.  NO WAIT ONE MORE THING….WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE DOES THIS SEND KIDS?  Be a romantic, never move on with your life, have faith that the person who very calmly tells you she’s done is actually just confused?  That’s so wrong!  Honestly I would much rather the movie have shown them moving on and getting married to other people.  Sure maybe they wouldn’t love that person as much as they loved each other but that’s life.  It’s a good thing I’m not a script writer huh?  Everyone would leave my movies like whoa I can’t believe it ended like that and then everyone would lose hope in the goodness of life.  Well you know what they say about hope?  It breeds eternal misery.  On that bright note I bid you adieu.
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Sonam Kapoor

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One good thing I can say about this girl is that:  She is not a whore. What exactly is a whore?  A whore is someone who does one of the following:
  • work as a prostitute
  • have unlawful sex with a whore
  • compromise oneself for money or other gains; "She whored herself to Hollywood"
At no point in her career be it on the silver screen or in her public appearances has Sonam Kapoor made herself out to be a whore.  She has to my knowledge never danced raunchily, worn indecent clothing or just in general come across as whorish.  In fact, this is the most indecent picture of her I could find:
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She has not sold herself, danced at receptions for $ or marketed a product she doesn’t believe in (for the most part).  I’m actually all of a sudden very impressed with this girl and I never was before.  One does not know a lot about her personal life or her friends and that’s saying something for a Bollywood celebrity! 
Watching the movie Aisha was when I realized that she was not a whore.  If it was anyone else in that movie (example: Priyanka Chopra), they would have showed a lot more skin, cleavage, legs… and I was impressed that Sonam didn’t.  Maybe it’s because Sonam’s family is well off and so she has never had to whore herself out whereas other girls have to do anything and everything to get their dream?  Maybe it’s because Sonam Kapoor is tall?  Maybe it’s because she likes fashion and so that translates into her being less hoochy than most Bollywood celebs?  I mean if you flip through any fashion magazine you would see that models usually aren’t arching their back to pop their booty and jut out their chests…they usually are bending their back forward as if they have a tummy ache.  High fashion (haute couture) isn’t really geared towards “looking hot” so naturally people who appreciate fashion such as Sonam, dress more to look chic than they do to look hot.  Sonam is the type of girl who dresses more for herself and other girls than she does for men.
Whatever the case, I’m glad that there is finally one person that girls can look up to in the Bollywood industry, and I am a little bit surprised to say this girl is Sonam.  Thus far I am impressed with the way she has handled her career and I’m getting sick of the other girls in Bollywood.  I miss the Rani’s, Kajols and Preity’s!  I miss the love stories.  I miss girls and guys who didn’t look like models and who just looked like NORMAL people with an edge.  The “normal” people that they have now (a.k.a the Genalia D’Souza type) are too average for my liking as they have no standout feature.  Rani looked normal but she had nice eyes and a beautiful smile, Preity had amazing dimples and a fresh faced quality..it seems like the only girls in Bollywood now are models or girls like Genalia who are just so BLAH!  As for the guys, they’re not even worth mentioning.  The original Khans are still the best and that’s really sad because they’re all like what 40 now?  FRESH TALENT NEEDED!
WAIT SIDE NOTE:  I think to enter this industry you have to have a certain amount of exposure in this day and age and I do not think girls who expose are worse than girls who don’t but basically I still think Sonam has handled herself well and it was worth a mention. 

If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?

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2 Random Quizzes I Found on the Internet

Thought I’d take a couple of quizzes on the internet since it’s the new year.  You might find this boring but I write for me so I can’t really apologize to you.  Happy New Year everyone!
1. Why not me?
I have no idea what this question is asking.  Why not me?… to do what?
2. Am I nice?
I think I am.  I’m not naturally as nice as some people because I’m kind of sarcastic but I’m not fake when I’m being nice to someone.. if I’m being nice to you I mean it.
3. Am I doing what I really want to do?
Definitely not.
4. What am I grateful for?
My family.
5. What’s missing in my life?
Love and freedom.
6. Am I honest?
No.  I’m honest in the sense that I don’t lie to people (other than parents…they don’t count all kids lie to parents eventually), but I’m not honest about how I feel and I don’t always tell everything about how I’m feeling to people (sounds funny coming from someone who blogs about everything and anything but there you go I’m a walking oxymoron).  I do what’s best for me, or I try to at all times so if it’s in my best interests to not tell you that I think you’re a horrible person, or the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me than I won’t.  If that’s lying then so be it.  There are a handful of people in this world who I will never lie to and tell too much to!
7. Do I listen to others?
Not really.  I don’t listen to what other people think I should do or how I should behave, I do whatever I think is right, and I guess this is why I am always getting in trouble in my family lol.  It might technically be the “wrong” thing to do but if I will live without regretting it, even if it’s the “wrong” thing, then for me it was the right thing to do.  Does that make sense?  For example, if I was lactose intolerant maybe it wouldn’t be correct for me to have an entire bucket of ice cream, but I would rather eat the bucket of ice cream because I wanted to than wake up the next day wondering what flavour it was. 
8. Do I work hard?
No
9. Do I help others?
Not enough.
10. What do I need to change about myself?
Number 9.  I should dedicate more time to helping other people.  My family as well as other citizens of the Earth :)
11. Have I hurt others?
Yes.  A lot…all the time.
12. Do I complain?
All the time.  I’m ashamed to say I’m a whiny person haha but in certain situations I don’t complain.  I will always complain if I feel cold, otherwise I’d say I’m pretty easy going.  I don’t complain about food when I’m travelling or accommodations.
13. What’s next for me?
Being happy and having fun are the only two things on my list of things to do.  These are the only goals of my life, beyond this I have no idea and no plans.
14. Do I have fun?
How funny that this was the next question.  Yes!  As depressing as I can get sometimes I always have fun every single day.  (As long as I have a book or a good laugh life is pretty awesome so I’m pretty easy to please…at the present time I’d like to thank my bff’s Youtube and Kobo).
15. Have I seized opportunities?
Sometimes I am not prepared for the opportunities that arise and that’s horrible because luck is 90 percent preparation and 10 percent chance! However, what I have the capability to do, I do seize..yes.  Example: I once went downtown with my sister and friend to meet someone in the afternoon and suddenly an opportunity arose to be a part of something.  I said yes no questions asked… I stayed up all night in downtown Vancouver outside in the cold , rainy weather without an umbrella or proper clothes, alone and not knowing a single person there or how I was going to get home and went to work the next morning at 7am straight just so I could take part.
16. Do I care about others?
Too much.
17. Do I spend enough time with my family?
You can never spend enough time with your family.  Never.  Everyone will realize this at one point or another.
18. Am I open-minded?
Yes
19. Have I seen enough of the world?
Same as #17, you can never see enough of the world.
20. Do I judge others?
Oh I love this question.  I never judge other people I firmly believe their choices and decisions are between them and God.  Unless they are a murderer or other such condemned individual.
21. Do I take risks?
Yes.
22. What is my purpose?
To make other people smile?  To hopefully raise good children.
23. What is my biggest fear?
Being alone.
24. How can I conquer that fear?
I think you can’t.  If anyone knows how to please let me know.
25. Do I thank people enough?
Blah blah blahhhh I’m getting bored and so are you I’m sure… lets skip this one.
26. Am I successful?
Not yet
27. What am I ashamed of?
I won’t tell it’s personal and it involves someone else.
28. Do I annoy others?
Ask my sisters and my best friends haha.
29. What are my dreams?
To do what I like to do for the rest of my life.
30. Am I positive?
I’M SKIPPING QUESTIONS I DON’T LIKE
33. Does everything happen for a reason?
Yes, always.  I believe in fate and destiny and there is always something to be learnt from things that happen in this world.
34. What can I do to change the world?
Be the best me that I can be.
42. Do I care what others think about me?
Not enough to stop being myself.
50. What was the toughest time in my life?
It started on November 15th 2009 and hasn’t ended yet.  I’ll let you know when it does…
51. What was the easiest time in my life?
It started on Feb 26th or 27th 2007. 
53. What was the craziest thing I did?
Fall in love.
54. What is the craziest thing I want to do?
Fall in love again.
55. Do I procrastinate?
I’ll answer this question laterrrrr.
56. What is my greatest regret?
Not calling to speak to my grandparents enough.
57. What has had the greatest impact on my life?
Love.
58. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
My mother and her mother.
59. Do I stand up for myself?
To the death.
61. Do I hold grudges?
Only one.
63. Do I listen to my heart?
Too much!?
66. Do I constantly dwell on the past?
If you live in the past isn’t it the present?
67. Do I let other people’s negativity affect me?
Yes.  I care too much about people.
68. Do I forgive myself?
Yes always.
69. When I help someone do I think “What’s in it for me”?
I can thankfully say that thought never crosses my mind.
70. Am I aware that someone always has it worse than me?
Yes, unfortunately I’m kind of a morbid person.
OK THAT WAS SO NOT A FUN QUIZ.  HOPEFULLY THIS NEXT ONE IS FUNNER.


************SECOND QUIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**************

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet? – NO ONLY BECAUSE THAT WOULD PROBABLY HURT HER FAMILY AND THAT WOULDN’T BE VERY NICE OF ME.
How do you flush the toilet in public?  WITH MY FOOT
Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?  YES ALWAYS
Do you have a crush on someone?  YES, BEN AFFLECK FROM THE TOWN.  UNFORTUNATELY THERE IS NO OTHER CRUSH WORTHY DUDE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.  MUST RECTIFY THIS IMMEDIATELY!
Name one thing you worry about running out of. EYELASHES AND HAIR
What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble? I’VE ACTUALLY GOTTEN LAUREN CONRAD FROM ENOUGH RANDOM PEOPLE TO OFFICIALLY SAY ITS HER.
What is your favorite pizza topping? PEPPERONI
Do you crack your knuckles? NO IT GIVES YOU ARTHRITIS
What song do you hate the most?  99 BOTTLES OF BEER
Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?  YOU ARE SO MEAN!
What are your super powers?  I CAN READ PEOPLE’S MINDS AND I CAN MOVE MY PINKY TOE ON TOP OF MY OTHER TOE WITHOUT USING MY HANDS.
Peppermint or spearmint?  SPEARMINT
Where are your car keys?  WHERE IS MY CAR IS THE BETTER QUESTION
Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?  YOURS!  FEEL FREE TO COPY PASTE AND WRITE IN MY COMMENT.
What's your most annoying habit?  CALLING PEOPLE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN IF THEY DON’T PICK UP AND I THINK THEY’RE ASLEEP OR LOST OR IGNORING ME.  HAHA.
Where did you last go on vacation?  LONG BEACH CALIFORNIA
What is your best physical feature?  MY BIG…CHEEKS.
What CD is closest to you right now?  IT’S ACTUALLY A DVD OF THE MOVIE “BREAK KE BAAD” WHICH I SHALL BE WATCHING AFTER THIS
What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?  MILK, EGGS AND BEER
What superstition do you believe/practice?  NOT WHISTLING AT NIGHT.  BUT THEN AGAIN I DON’T REALLY KNOW HOW TO WHISTLE SO IT’S KIND OF AN EASY ONE TO FOLLOW.
What color are your bed sheets?  BLACK AND WHITE PRINT
Would you rather be a fish or a bird?  A BIRD BECAUSE I CAN STILL BE PART OF THIS WORLD.  BEING A FISH WOULD BE COOL BUT REALLY SCARY.
Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?  HANDS FREE
What are your favorite sayings?  WHERE THERE’S A WILL THERE’S A WAY
What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?  I CAN’T SING AND WON’T TRY.
If you could go back or forward in time,where would you go?  TO MARCH OR APRIL 2007 AND TO DEC 2000.
If you could kiss anyone who would it be?  IF GOD ASKED ME THIS QUESTION I WOULD SAY: “THE LOVE OF MY LIFE” AND WAIT ANXIOUSLY TO SEE WHO POPS UP.
What do you do when no one is watching?  BLOG
If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be you?  PREITY ZINTA.
Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?  I WOULD RATHER DIE IN MY SLEEP BUT BEING A SIKH I WOULD BE HONOURED TO DIE FIGHTING FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN.
Coffee or Tea  GREEN TEA.
Have you ever been in love?  YES
Do you talk to yourself?  I THINK RIGHT NOW COUNTS.

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