Archive for March 2013

Mirror mirror on the wall... Instagram pics|Artistic expression|Good vs Evil|SKR vs SS


We put a lot of stuff out there on social media sites.  I think it's safe to say that we also take a lot more pictures now than we used to now that we're in a digital age and no longer trying to save precious film (24 images a roll - preposterous! Now I take 24 pics for one angle per outfit and then upload the best one ;) lol).  I usually try and post things that are a little out there, to me nothing is ever just as it is.  A quote that I post is really because of something else that I'm trying to reveal about myself (or to someone specific - I've written before about Why I Write ), a picture is an artistic expression and so on.  This is not to say that everything has deep meaning, I mean of course I like every girl, post some pictures because I went out and spent money on a nice outfit or what have you.  We live in a world now where we are all essentially creating our brands and self promoting ourselves to stay relevant if we want to be a part of a career that cares primarily about looks especially (say model or actress).  I've noticed that as time goes on I feel more and more divided as a person and I've noticed it via my pic posts.   I've posted quite a few "mirror" pics where there are two of me or I'm actually looking into a mirror (like above and below).  

I thought it would be cool for me to kind of explain what I meant by posting the pictures and where I was going in my head with them - ALSO just delving a little bit into how women can feel conflicted with what is expected of them.  I'm very into good vs evil, the battle between light and dark.  A few people have asked me "why are you so dark now", "what's with the Gothic pics", etc.. someone actually spent a good five minutes at a party telling me that they understood why I was showcasing the pics that I did on instagram and facebook and explained some of it to me and I was shocked by the level of insight other people had towards my actions - So I thought I would explain some of them to you ...  With more and more people (everyone basically lol) choosing to have a "public" image via social media sites and a "private" one I feel like not just I but a lot of people have these conflicting feelings...hence this post :).  I've written about being an Extremist person before and I've posted a "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am"  post so this is really a recurring issue/theme.

So the above picture was me saying "suck it" to myself... the negative force inside me, that I can be whoever I want and do whatever I want and I don't need to hold myself back as we so often do :).  I was just in a "suck it a-holes" frame of mind.



This picture above is me staring into a mirror again it was kind of a good wife vs mistress type of thing.. the good me is outside and I'm kind of observing someone else in the reflection.  I originally wanted to photoshop the girl in the mirror to be wearing a black dress but I didn't know how to do that lol.  (Just realized I wrote "girl in the mirror" as if it's a different person lol fml.) The picture was originally posted on Instagram with the lyric "Je main tenu andar doonda te baher kisdi maya" which means "If I'm looking for you inside than whose reflection is outside" and it has to do with God and Love as well.  The lyric originally says If I look for you outside then who is residing in me, if I'm looking for you inside than whose reflection is outside". The reason why I chose that lyric is because I mean it in the sense of a love lost/found as well as God lost found and the struggle between light and dark.



I posted some of the pics subconsciously choosing to mirror myself and later as I realized that I've done quite a bit of it I just kind of realized it's because I've actually... I actually feel very divided and like two people. When you're a kid it's so simple, you're just a kid.  You're so pure and innocent and then now with society the way it is it's just this constant struggle.  The struggle to be yourself but to be noticed as an artistic person so essentially the battle between selling out and staying true to yourself, the struggle to be a female and embrace your femininity and sexuality and be bold but also to preserve that and hold that close to you because it's sacred.  The struggle between wanting to be wild and not come home at night and to feel nothing but the pleasure of the music rushing through you and lights flashing vs wanting to be home with family in Spongebob Squarepants pajamas (totally wearing them right now).  

 My friend JUST said to me on Thursday "the old you would never wear that", and I was like "who?", she said "there are so many you's I don't even know which one anymore the new old you, the old old you, the old new you". It's just SO WEIRD that people around me have actually felt the divisions.  I met someone who asked me about what I used to do before working and I explained that I was doing political science at SFU and he was just like wow that's .. so different from who I am now.  He's right, I could never imagine myself being the same person who went to SFU again, I left that place and never went back because I would feel like I was going to my own graveyard.  

The weird thing is a couple of years ago - when I was kind of into this new transition into a newer, bolder me let's just say lol I had a dream (and I don't have dreams) and I dreamt that I was in the apartment my family lived in when I was five.  There were two of me - me now and me when I was about 4 with curly hair and I just hugged the 4 year old me.  It was the creepiest dream I've ever had in my life I have goosebumps as I write this.  The next day I just felt so unsettled.  I think my soul somewhere went to visit an old me or something.  It was weird I tell you I can still see it clearly.

This pic I didn't end up posting actually but I think it correctly showcases the sweet me vs like the demonic me.  I like the demonic/bad me lol haha.  I think all indian women or just all women in general have to deal with what society expects them to be.  We're supposed to be sweet and fluffy and nice and ladylike in the streets and yet also be hot and vixenish.  It's always damned if you do damned if you don't.

 This picture that I took... scares people apparently lol.  It's GOOD to be dark sometimes!

This picture was about stepping into the light or staying in the shadows...also again light vs dark... public vs private.  See.... all so recurring.  N people think I just thought I looked good and posted a random pic.  It's all about artistic expression baby!


Oh Taylor Swift

original

Oh boo hoo poor female so hungry for love that she’s desperately chasing after people and being too clingy and the innocent little males who need a perfect woman who isn’t clingy and who fall for her maneater chasing ways are heartbroken when she sings about them after.  EFF YOU WORLD.  I’m so sick of the world depicting women in this manner!

Lately I’ve felt really bad about the whole Taylor Swift thing.  Not because of the usual reasons that people feel bad for her – the string of broken relationships, the poor little rich girl who can’t find someone to love her thing – I don’t care about all that.  What I do feel bad about is that people feel that they can make fun of a woman for essentially having more than one “boyfriend” a year and then singing about it.  Let me just get this straight… people are making fun of Taylor because she' dates amazingly good looking and famous men, she is minting money off of singing about them, and she’s a hot, young blonde with oodles of talent?  Sorry um, did I miss the memo?  I fail to understand why no one is saluting or applauding the girl and are instead making her the butt of jokes!

It’s all because we live in this misogynistic world where women are hated and people have such extreme double standards.  She hasn’t killed anyone, she’s beautiful and has access to places I couldn’t dream of being, why the EFF wouldn’t she be dating around?  I’m not saying that she’s a completely flawless and sane human being; buying houses by your summer fling’s home and suddenly dressing like you’re Jackie Kennedy was a tad bit unnerving even for me, so yes she’s made some poor choices, but to me that is completely irrelevant to the fact that people are not smart enough to see the other side of things or to see that they’re even BEING misogynistic.  I have a problem with people judging other people, especially other women WHILE holding men who do the EXACT same thing in high regard.

Here’s my case for Taylor Swift:

1.) She’s making money, and people like her songs.  She’s a REAL girl who has relationships and her songs actually reflect her life.  Oh but maybe she should be singing about the streets she never grew up on and the jail cells she’s never been in, or how chains and whips excite her because THAT’S cool!  SHE’S A FREAKIN SINGER – HER SONGS SHOULD REFLECT HER LIFE – She’s possibly one of the FEW people who in their actual singing career are being honest while allowing other people to relate to it.  No lie her songs are pretty catchy!  One thing I’ve learnt in life DON’T MESS WIT PPL’S MONEY – if singing about her boyfriends has made her get to where she is, why are people hating?  What do you expect her to do instead like are you going to pay her bills?  You just don’t dog on someone’s career choices when they’re actually successful at what they’re doing because that makes you El Stupido.

2.) If you’re going to date her, you already know what you’re getting into so don’t complain when things don’t work out and you suddenly hear a song about you.  I mean, hello?

3.) Choosing to sing about your view on your own relationships is hardly a crime and the people who are making fun of her (example Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, late night show comedians, Chelsea Handler etc) are people who have made their careers off of making fun of other people so I hardly think that they should be ones to judge.  That makes no sense to me “Hi I make fun of other people for a living but the fact that you sing about your relationships and made your career off of that is DISGUSTING YOU SLUT”.  Right..

4.) In a survey on hollywoodlife.com 67% of people who participated in the online poll said that they LIKED when Taylor sang about her relationships.  She’s an artist/singer/star… she has to give the people what they wanttt goddamit!  Civic duty and responsibility and all that jazz! 

 

I don’t see anything wrong with what she’s doing.  She dates people, the world is interested, she sings about them, she banks millions off of it, she get’s interviews because people care and she’s “relevant”… keep doin what you’re doin sistah!  Hashtag mad props.

Legit couldn’t think of a title.

cute-chinese-baby

Sup people’s!!!!  Ok SO – I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M FINALLY WRITING!  I just felt it today I felt this ZING like this is a moment that I def have to write about so HERE I AM.  It’s an Oprah kinda blog post like if today was a day on the Oprah show you’d probably skip it if all you care about is celebrity interviews cuz it’s one of those spiritual Oprah show days so skip it if you’re a soul less horrible person who doesn’t care about human emotion (see what I just did there haha suckaa now you gota read it!).

Let’s roll.

Background story:

Today I felt really weird as soon as I woke up, I didn’t even recognize what emotion it was it just felt weird in my windpipes or something.  I realized I was feeling sad as I blow-dried my hair because I suddenly (to my shock) burst out crying.  I didn’t really know why but whatever it’s not a big deal.  So I stopped went on my way, went to the building where I work and kinda started crying again!  At this point I’m like dayum Sharin get yo ish togetha!  It was really weird because nothing had happened specifically I guess it was just subconscious emotion or something but I felt down it just wasn’t a fantabulous day – UNTILLLLLLLLLLL I went to the bathroom to wash my hands :D

So I’m chillin out maxin relaxin washing my hands scrubbin away feelin blue and I look up into the miror to see this CUTE LITTLE BABY BOY in his pram kickin his little feet with his head turned all the way to the left lookin at me in the mirror smiling!  I swear all my sadness - that weird windpipe heavy in the chest feeling EVERYTHING just washed away like I was cleansed by that little angel’s smile.  I walked out of that bathroom on a whole other level and I was just like “dayum what is wrong with you woman like who do you think you are?  Who the heck gave you the right to be sad like do you see where you are?  You are on this freaking beautiful amazing Earth living the LIFE right now just truly blessed and you’re going to cry or feel blue and be sad over what?  EFF you Sharin lighten up – stop and smell the effing roses and smile cause you’re ALIVEEEEE homie!!!!!!”  (truly that’s the convo I had with myself) 

 

Point of my story:

Babies and animals are dope.  Get out of your own head.  Stop and smell the roses so to speak… smile at a baby… touch a flower… touch your grandparent’s hand… smell a baby’s breath… marvel at the world.  It’s shiny and clean and filled with oxygen just for you!

I love it I love the world, I love everything about it and I’m so glad to be here.  People talk about feeling blessed and it sounds so corny but I feel it inside I feel so thankful to be here.  Not everyone is here with me and I still am and people I love are still here and I’m so happy and thankful to God to grace me with another day.  I sound like one of those spiritual people on tv I know I sound weird but this is what I feel.

Babies and animals I honestly believe are like.. angels.. they’re God, they’re everything true and beautiful and divine on this Earth.  When I walked out of that bathroom I honestly felt like God just smiled at me and gently reminded me that I am lucky.  I truly felt a spiritual presence.  I felt like an idiot too I felt like the world’s biggest buffoon that a BABY had to take time out of it’s day and go out of it’s way to smile at ME.  I’M the one who’s supposed to be smiling at the baby!  How wrapped up in my own head and space was I that I first of all didn’t even notice a cute baby in it’s pram and secondly didn’t even see him smile at me until I looked into the mirror? 

I just love babies so much, thank goodness they exist because they teach us so much about life.

So THANK you miracle little baby in it’s pram for making my day so wonderful, you’ll never know what it meant to me but your smile saved me.

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