C'est La Vie

Everyone wants to be a winner, but what most people don’t seem to realize is that first you need to be a survivor.  Do you have what it takes to survive?  Can you claw your way back up when you’ve been pushed down farther than you ever thought you could?  Do you have the endurance, the stamina, the wits, the passion for your craft?

I know this much about myself: I may not be the smartest, the prettiest, the funniest, or the sexiest girl, but I am a survivor, I have ambition and I have guts.  I believe that those three things are all that I need.  I don’t know where I’m going, but I know I’m going somewhere.  I think largely the reason why I have this spirit is because of how I was raised.  I was the third child, and I was a girl (third daughter).  I think everyone wanted me to be a boy and as I grew up I wanted to be my father’s son and really admired my father very much and I still do.

He moved his whole family to Canada without even ever seeing this country.  We just packed up our stuff in Singapore and came here.  He didn’t need to come here to check it out first because he knew that no matter where he went, he would be ok and he would be able to provide for his family.  As my father said (in punjabi) that he had his hands and his legs, what more does a man need to survive?  That stuck with me.  Sometimes people look down on immigrants, or they look down on people who don’t have flashy jobs.  My father could have been a businessman, a taxi driver or janitor… I really wouldn’t care because whichever job it is, he’s worked honestly to provide for his family and no matter what has knocked him down or came his way he persevered.  That’s what counts.  Some girls I know are looking for the guy who has it all… I’m looking for the guy who would be ok if he lost it all, who has a fighter’s spirit, who doesn’t need to depend on anyone but himself, someone who is a honest, hard working man.

My father had the guts and the belief in himself to leave his relatives, his friends, leave the country that he was born and raised in to come to a country on the other side of the world so that we could have a better life.

He taught me how to be strong, he has a black belt in Karate and used to train me when I was younger.  We would go to the park by our house and run and I used to have to do push ups if I didn’t speak Punjabi or got my times tables wrong.  He read me stories about the Gurus, about Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji’s travels and teachings and those really stuck with me and it’s why I’m close to my faith.  He taught me not to take shit from anyone, how to fight back.  He also taught me how to have fun, he has a great love for dancing and when he gets on the dance floor he is the center of the party!  He never once made me feel that I was a lesser human being because I was a girl.  He never once has forced me to do anything at all and he never would.  He has said that he would happily continue to support his daughters if we so chose to live at home forever.  He’s allowed me to do the many things that I do.  

Guts, ambition, survival skills.

That’s the kind of father that I have, now would you expect his daughter to be anything less?

I read a lot of magazines and there was this one article in Glamour May 2012’s issue that I thought was really cute.. I’ll proceed to share some of its wisdoms with you (I have altered some of it’s points/put it in my own words).

Ladies.  Never, ever do this in front of a male that you’re into or that’s into you.

See that guy above?  He’s soo into you.  And then you open your big mouth and say this:

1. “I hate my arms”  - whyy do you need to criticize yourself in front of him? DO NOT do that. You are a queen, you’re fabulous and this boy is lucky to have you.  Call your girlfriend up and hit the gym – don’t tell your man you hate your body (unless he’s a guy friend who is giving you fitness advice).
2. “Should I get implants” – YOU have boobs, HE does not.  Size should not and probably does not matter to him and suggesting that kind of suggests that he’s not loving your boobs as much as I’m sure he does.  That’s insulting.
3. “She looks like/is such a slut” – it’s not attractive to see you act like a mean person, just be confident in yourself and don’t waste time making mean comments about other women.  Cattyness is not cute.
4. “I’m sooo wasted” – Just like you are looking for someone who is stable and has their life together, so are men.  Maybe you like to let loose on the weekends…try not to brag about it.
5. “Hold on, lemme Facebook/Tweet this (and then proceed to take self portrait smoochy duck face shots)” – Keep the fb updating/tweeting to a minimum when with said desired man.

"One afternoon, Nasruddin and his friend were sitting in a cafe, drinking tea and talking about life and love.  His friend asked: 'How come you never married?'

'Well,' said Nasruddin, 'to tell you the truth, I spend my youth looking for the perfect woman. In Cairo I met a beautiful and intelligent woman, but she was unkind. Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous soul, but we had no common interests. One woman after another would seem just right, but there would always be something missing. Then one day, I met her; beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind. We had very much in common. In fact, she was perfect!'

'So, what happened?' asked Nasruddin's friend, 'Why didn't you marry her?'

Nasruddin sipped his tea reflectively. 'Well,' he replied, 'it's really the sad story of my life.... It seemed that she was looking for the perfect man...' "

***********

I’ve always loved this tale.  I feel like a lot of people nowadays are always looking for the next best thing and they hold out waiting for it, or once they’ve gotten something they are never totally satisfied.

They have an ipad, but they want the ipad 2, they don’t even bother getting the iphone 4 because they’re waiting for the iphone 5.  You get the picture.

I hope this tale above won’t be mine :|  In some ways I am very, very loyal – I had the same mp3 player for over 5 years, I’ve had the same dinky camera since 2006 (even though I work at one of the leading electronics retailers)… So I’m pretty loyal, but yeah it’s def a big problem in today’s society where we’re so used to instant gratification and always getting the newer model.  I guess that’s why there’s so much cheating (adultery) in this world - - - it’s for the same reason that we’re all in so much debt  - Instant gratification/never thinking about the future.

So she finally got her man.  She had his picture in her room before she even met him, she went on the same Chile trip to the town William went to some time apart from his trip (I bet you she probably just heard that he was going and signed herself up then got screwed over because she didn’t end up on the same trip as him)…she finally met him, became friends, got semi naked in a fashion show while she was currently dating someone

and bam.  She got her Prince.  There you go girls… 1.) Get naked 2.)Break up with guy who was keeping the seat warm and 3.) Get your Prince!  Supposedly guys are into what they can’t have and this situation was no exception from the supposed rule.  Kate was “the friend (off limits) who had a boyfriend (totally off limits).  Totally off limits = Totally desirable to a man.  Agree?  Disagree?  I guess it was fate.

Who IS THE REAL KATE ?  I don’t hate her, this by no means is an I H8 K8 post, I think I like her - it's just that I don’t KNOW HER.  She hasn’t committed herself to anything (other than being girlfriend numero uno) or shown her personality and she’s been in the public eye for years now!  How horrible is that that she’s been in the public eye for so long, yet we can’t really tell what she’s like?

She hasn’t had a proper job since 2007, she’s obviously a smart girl having gotten a university degree from a top notch school and yet it seems that other than marrying her love (I don’t doubt that she’s in love with him and I truly think they make a great pair and look happy) she has no ambition.  What has she DONE in the past few years?  Attend a few weddings?  Go to etiquette classes?  I mean, she’s 29 years old for goodness sakes and I guess I’m just irritated with the fact that other than being photographed on yachts, exiting from clubs or being a style icon she hasn’t really done anything.  Apparently much of England feels the same way: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1048599/And-DO-Queen-wants-Kate-Middleton-charity-job-counter-claims-workshy.html

She has a lot of work to do because the people were so in love with Diana and Kate has big shoes to fill.  I think most people will warm up to her now that she’s finally (almost – still a couple hours to go) getting hitched and people like to see a girl finally get her man, but I mean, what is she going to do now after marriage?  Sit at home and wait around while her husband goes to work?  (They’re going to be living alone in a regular house fyi.)  Is she going to get a job?  Is she going to do charity work and risk being compared to Diana the People’s Princess?  Kate didn’t seem to have much of a social conscience before!  People inevitably draw comparisons between her and Princess Diana, and while Princess Diana seemed to genuinely care for people I just don’t get that same feeling from Kate.  If she did all of a sudden go to Africa to work with Aid’s patients or something I would just scoff and say she’s trying to win the public’s favor. 

Or maybe I’ve just become a cynic.  Very possible.

In the 80’s there was Madonna, in the 90’s there was Princess Diana, 2000’s had Britney and from 2011 onwards, Kate is the icon.  Girls have someone to look up to and while I like that she’s always been a fresh faced good girl, I hope that she will further live up to the media attention and establish an actual identity for herself with an actual focus in life other than her man.  Well… I’m off, I have a wedding to attend!  Torra!

Have you ever wondered why you are here?  You are on this Earth to

1. Be the best you that you can be. 
2. Explore the world
3. Make amazing connections with other human beings.

That’s pretty much it.  Wow I’m so smart?!

You don’t have to save the world, every single day.  You don’t even have to save the world at all but you have to do SOMETHING good in the day.  You should be nice!

Maybe you helped your mom out, or did something nice for your dad or sisters.  Maybe you ran ahead to a bus and told the bus driver to wait for the older woman who couldn’t run and catch the bus herself and was struggling, maybe you walked home a senior citizen just to make sure he got home safe, maybe you filled out a complaint form and effectively fought for justice for someone who didn’t even know you were doing it just because you knew that they couldn’t speak/write English and would never have been able to fight for themselves…just small things, maybe you told the person helping you at the store that they could help the pregnant woman first.  It’s better than nothing!  Like I said above, Karma really isn’t the bitch, you are.  If you’re a nice person then you have nothing to worry about.

I personally feel that we are on here (Earth) because of the above three reasons… to be good human beings, explore the world and meet amazing people along the journey.  I also believe that everyday you should give the Big guy up there a reason to keep you around for another day.  That’s how I live my life, day by day and just trying to convince the tough guy up top each day that I’m worthy of being on this planet.  So far so good I guess. 

I guess I’ll explain what I mean by the above three points:

#1 - - BE THE BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE: 

This is not as easy as it seems.  It takes a lot of courage, passion and determination to be the best you that you can be.  Step one to being the best you is common sense…

…Get healthy!

I’m lucky to have people in my life that care about my health and want me to get healthy!  The fact of the matter is that every single thing that you do will catch up to you one day.  I know this isn’t what you want to hear and maybe you’re reading this and you’re in your teens or young and you think, psh, I’m invincible.  Well, good for you but… even Superman has his kryptonite. 

Poor sleep habits, poor eating habits are not going to get you where you want to go.  A lot of things are not in our control but this is in our control, this is number one – sleeping and eating.  Trust me.  You will not be successful or the best you if you are not treating yourself well.  My friends know that I have been one of the worst for this.  I used to never sleep in high school like NEVER and for much of my university life… I used to have McDonald’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner but now… it’s a different story.  It affects you mentally and physically… I suggest you read up on it.  Your health will give you a reality check one of these days.  Just remember that everything in your body is connected! 

Ok so that’s step one in being the best you that you can be.  You have to look after yourself, you have to sleep well, drink lots of water, eat well and exercise.  Then comes the passion and courage part… you have to do what you love.  If you don’t love being a lawyer and you spend all your time in this so called “successful” position when all you really want to do is become a florist then DO IT!  Not everyone has the opportunity to pursue their dreams due to social and economic hardships but for the most part you can either make excuses or you can go for it.  You can’t do both so pick one.

#2 - - EXPLORE THE WORLD

I’ve been bitten by the travelling bug.  HELLOOO?!    The world is God’s GIFT to you.  We are here to explore and wonder at this gift.  If you’re sad, or you have this notion that you have it bad or you can’t find yourself or whatever, I suggest you travel.  Honestly if I hadn’t left the country ever in my life I guarantee you I would be locked up in a mental institution right now.  Travelling is THE BEST THING ever.  Make $$$.  Go travel.  That’s like my life goal (having fun is my life goal and travelling is fun so it’s a no brainer).  I live to travel.  I live dreaming of Mumbai, Cambodia, Africa, Brazil.  Ah!  This is REASON NUMBER TWO FOR WHY WE ARE ON EARTH.  We’re supposed to see other things.  It helps us realize we are all connected, you have to get out of your own little world and get new perspectives and experiences.  I love walking around in shorts, flip flops and no makeup with your hair pulled back because the humidity is making it look like Monica on that episode of Friends.  I couldn’t do that if I just sat in Vancouver all my life.

#3 - - MAKE AMAZING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHER HUMANS 

Friends, family, casual encounters.  You never know where things will lead so be open to meeting new people. 

These are our three duties to do here on Earth… if you have not done any of the above yet I suggest you get started ducklings!

There you go :)  Glad you know how to break up with someone now, use any of the above options, have a nice day!

Hehe ok so I’m not a relationship queen or anything like that (FAR, FAR from it) but here are some rules on how to break up with someone.  It’s largely derived from a Psychology Today article by Elizabeth Svoboda called “The Thoroughly Modern Guide To Breakups” found in the Feb 2011 issue.  I really liked it, possibly should also have taken it’s advice and I haven’t really, but if sharing it helps one other  person than my job here is done.  Short of someone dying, breaking up with someone and being broken up with is the hardest thing one ever has to endure.  Hopefully this makes things a little easier.

• RULE #1 – YOU BREAK UP WITH YOUR PARTNER NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. 

Do not be so horrible that you force them into breaking up with you.  It’s YOUR feelings that have changed, it’s YOUR life that you want to go in a different direction from what it’s going in and it’s you who wants a break up so don’t be a jerk, don’t be an asshole, and don’t all of a sudden avoid their phone calls, spend an insane amount of time with your friends, give one word answers, etc in an effort to make them break up with you.  Honestly, all you are doing is making them question themselves.  You’re making them overlook what their own basic instincts were telling them about your relationship; they can’t trust how they felt about you, they can’t trust what they saw or heard or felt in your relationship.  If you make them break up with you, you ARE crippling them for any future relationship.  They will not be able to trust anyone because they have no idea what went wrong, therefore the only thing they can think of is that THEY are wrong.  You’ve made them blame themselves.

• Rule #2 – Do not break up via email, text, Twitter, Facebook etc.  Face to Face baby.

We were not born to communicate via text or email.  It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it.  It could be the look in your eyes saying “hey you still care about them it just didn’t work out” or the tone in your voice saying you mean this… just the fact that you are there face to face shows that you were worth that much.  You cannot properly communicate through a 20 second delay through text message.  I for one cannot have a serious conversation through text let alone breaking up with someone!  I need to see their face, hear their tone, and perhaps lighten the mood with a look or a smile.  Having a face to face conversation ensures closure.  Trust me when you look back on the moment ten years later you will be happy that you met face to face.

• Rule #3 - Be nice, and be honest.

You’re already breaking up with them, there is no reason to hurl insults.  You should have done that before the breakup lol so they at least knew what was wrong and how you felt.  At this point, you’re just sealing the deal, there is no reason to argue, no reason to say “You’re a ****** of **** you dirty ****”.  It’s not going to solve anything, it’s not worth it.  Do be honest, if you’re just not in love with them anymore, say it, but there’s no reason to get nasty and talk about how you faked every orgasm or how you hate his mother.  It’s your job at this point to keep them going and keep their self esteem up – you don’t want them to think they are a horrible person because they weren’t, you just weren’t right for each other.  There is no reason to cut them down. 

• Rule #4 – It’s not You its Me.  Avoid saying this.

Pretty self explanatory.  Saying something like this is usually false, it doesn’t sound sincere and the person you’re breaking up with deserves an explanation, ANY explanation.  They deserve a true explanation not some generic line.  If you can’t think of an explanation maybe you shouldn’t initiate a break up because you’re obviously  clueless and confused.  Figure your ish out first before you break up with someone.  You need to be clear on your reasons.  Avoid a point by point breakdown however because you don’t want your partner to be like: “no that’s not what happened”, “it was actually your fault we lost our dog”, etc.  It’s not about minor details at this point so there’s no reason to go into a case by case breakdown.

• Rule #5 – Do not suggest being friends after.

At this point it’s just not a good idea.  You should move on first, then if you can be friends in the future that’s fine but your first step should be moving on completely.  Otherwise your partner may just remain in limbo.  That doesn’t mean you should ignore your partner afterwards, it just means it’s probably best to not have a friendly dinner date just yet.

• Rule #6 – Express yourself

If you want to text the person you just broke up with and say it sucks that the future we talked about just didn’t happen, I’m sorry, I wanted it to work out but this is for the best and this is what I want – SAY IT.  There is nothing wrong in letting them know that you are upset with how things ended.  A break up is usually something no one walks into a relationship thinking they will do.  Both parties are injured.  Let the person you broke up with know that you feel pain as well.  Just make sure that you don’t give them the impression that you made a mistake in breaking up; end each communication with something along the lines of “this is for the best”, “this is what I want”, etc.

• Rule #7 - Do not beg.  Do not protest.

O gosh.  If you’re being dumped, you’re being dumped.  Nothing you say or do will change their mind.  It’s better to just leave when someone wants to leave you.  You don’t want to change their mind!  Trust me.  Just accept it.  Dumpees for the love of God follow this rule for any future break up.

• Rule #8 – Say No to Revenge

Just move on!  Stop making them the center of your world by plotting ways to kill them, kill their new gf, destroy their relationship with their family etc.  It’s not worth your sanity.

• Rule #9 – Feel the Pain

Be honest with yourself.  It’s ok to be in unbelievable pain, you don’t have to pretend that everything is ok.  Don’t numb it down by drinking and going out every night, having meaningless sex, or travelling the world (aka running away).  Eventually you have to come home and it’s better to feel the pain now rather than later.

• Rule #10 – Love again

You’ll find someone else!  Believe that.