Q: "Does it not bother you at all that there are people around the world that are looking at you in a sleazy way, or do you like the popularity?" "Don't you care that there are all these 'dippers' commenting on your pictures, or do you like that stuff?" "Why don't you put your stuff on private?".
A: "Yeah I do it so people will jack off to me at night."
Ok, in all honesty, why do I do this? I thought that, I would be "somebody", maybe a girl who was interning somewhere, maybe a girl that was auditioning somewhere, maybe a girl who was working and doing stuff on the side. I've always been someone who loved meeting people, who loved being expressive (reading, journalism, writing, dancing, performing has always been part of me), I look at writing or Twitter or Instagram as a creative expression, as a diary of sorts, and not to mention a great networking opportunity. Also, I work in social media, I completely disagree with having PRIVATE accounts for the most part (Facebook and Instagram I can see how you may just want family/friends to view it) but WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE PRIVATE TWITTER ACCOUNTS? It just baffles me. So no, I will never private my stuff, I think it's dumb to do that.
Right now, I'm nobody, but I can't fully pull the plug on the public me. I still have that darned sliver of hope that maybe one day I'll... figure it all out in a manner that won't leave me wanting more. Not sure if this is humanly possible but it's a hope!
There are people who pursue a public career choice in a private manner, there are people who pursue private careers in a public manner, and then there are people who pursue public careers in a public manner. I personally do not regret having put myself out there in the past, (or now, if I am) because I've met so many amazing people and have come across some pretty cool situations!
Now please note, I'm not saying that I am a public personality, I'm simply talking about how as an individual you can be a little more public or a little more private. Everyone is fairly public these days, I can probably find most of you on LinkedIn or Facebook or Twitter, and most people post pictures that are up for public consumption. Do I think that 1 sleazy guy is probably viewing a girl's picture right now? Of course he is. At the end of the day a girl is going to be looked at no matter what by someone in a sleazy manner no matter what. Does that mean that we're supposed to lock ourselves in a cage and only go out when fully covered?
Do I like the popularity? Firstly, what popularity? This is so relative. I would say that the most "out there" or "popular" I have ever FELT in my life was when I was in bhangra. This was pre - Much Music tryouts which is what I would consider the start of a more "public" me. So yes, bhangra was when I felt the most popular. If I was just into "feeling popular" than I would have just stayed in bhangra, gone out with multiple people, talked to 50 other guys and had a grand old time. That's not what I did because I don't care about that. I did not have 2000 Twitter or Instagram followers or 1000 Facebook friends at the time, but I felt like wow people know me, people like me (in a normal way), etc. So no, I'm not doing this for popularity, but I do appreciate the fact that in this day and age, having some klout online is a good thing. Ask any producer if he would rather pick someone with 15K followers or 100 followers (of course if you're truly beautiful, it likely will not matter how many followers you have, but for those that are not god gifted, everything else helps :) ). To gain social influence, you sometimes have to appeal to the masses and do your business needs to keep that up. It's purely business. Trust me when I say this, a nice selfie can go a long way haha.
As a woman who cares deeply about objectification, it's always been difficult to want to be in an industry that puts so much emphasis on physical appearance. The joy of acting or wanting to be in a medium that has given me so much joy has always outweighed my feminist views (so far). I would love to be able to change things from within, but also I think there's something beautiful in not caring about how people perceive you and owning your sexuality.
I've tried my best to not be sleazy myself, to not be just tits and ass. I appeared in a music video once that sang about how every guy wants a nice car and a nice girl. I also appear on top of the car in one scene (wearing a pink and white striped A-line dress mind you not a short and tight number). I was also pretty young but... I remember thinking that the song was kind of cool. What was wrong with a guy saying that he wants a nice car and a nice girl, is that not a humble ambition? Is it not like me saying, I want a nice husband and a nice house? Do we have to deny EVERYTHING and become completely asexual and unrealistic in order to be an advocate for self respect and woman's issues?
Also, honestly sometimes, you just want to do something because it's fun! I did a music video where the artist literally says that he pops a boner.. seriously. This one, might be a little hard to explain, so I might not even go there in this blog post because then I'll have to touch on what I feel about being sexual, open and honest but I still thought it was a classy shoot lol. I HAVE boobs, I HAVE an ass this is part of me being a woman and I don't feel that I should have to hide this fact from people just so that I don't get judged by men and other woman as being "skanky" or "slutty". I also did a swimsuit shoot for a men's magazine that shall not be named (only because they changed the answers to my interview to better suit them). I thought it was classy, my dad did not have a problem with it, my brother was there with me when I shot the whole thing and I had a great time. It's a swimsuit, and I was posing. I'm not rolling around in the sand pouring water over myself while licking my lips. It's a beach shoot, I'm wearing a bikini, and I quite liked the results. Did I do this to have men look at me in a sexual way? I would have to say that's not the THE reason why I did it but yes, I wanted to look appealing I definitely didn't want men to be repulsed when looking at the images, but there was a greater purpose other than "wanting to look hot and be popular".. like seriously.. no girl needs to be in a freaking swimsuit in a magazine or in a music video or doing photo shoots to be popular with men.
Maybe I've done some out there things, maybe I've made some choices that people will not understand, maybe I've lost all my chances at being selected as eligible marriage material by an Indian matchmaker but this is me. Take it or leave it! I don't do things without a lot of thought (which I think is contrary to what people may think), and I can feel good about every decision I've ever made in my life so at the end of the day isn't that what life should be about?
I hope you got your answer.
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