IT’S JUST A …
Some people are twisted/read too much into things that I do and are too judgmental. They also can’t comprehend that people have lives that continue on and that doesn’t mean the past never happened and it honestly just perplexes and baffles me. HENCE why I’m writing this post because I’m so perplexed and baffled!!!!! It’s stuff that happens sometimes I notice it sometimes I don’t. Right now I’ve noticed it so I’ll write about it cuz it’s on my mind. Ok so lemme explain…
Here’s a story for you. I had a best friend in gr. 4. We were cool, she’s no longer my best friend and things DID NOT END VERY WELL… AT ALL. I still live in the same city so I see her once every 2 years or so randomly. End of story. It’s a TRUE STORY.
So now when I see her… am I not going to greet her warmly when I see her, or pretend she doesn’t exist and I don’t know her, or not ask how she was? Of course I am and have because I’m a nice person and you shouldn’t let small things define a person. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be best friends, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friendly!?! I’ve also – believe it or not – gotten over what happened in grade freaking four!!
I AM JUST THE KIND OF GIRL WHO IS VERY …RANDOM AND I DEEPLY APPRECIATE ALL THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE I’VE MET ALONG THE WAY TO BEING WHO I AM TODAY. I don’t think of things as ending so much as I think of things as having changed. For example I didn’t end my relationship with my bank I just changed banks.
Going on with the best friend story here let’s just use it as an analogy now... I’m someone who’s PRETTYYYY EASY GOING AND FORGIVING, I don’t hold grudges (unless you like screw over my family or something) and I sometimes don’t even remember what so and so supposedly did or why we stopped hanging out… and I’m sometimes actually a little too absorbed in my goals and vision for my future (that’s my euphemism for self absorbed) that I don’t notice mundane things like someone deleting me off Facebook or that they haven’t texted or called me as often. So forgive me if I don’t realize that I’m “supposed” to be mad at someone or not talking to someone. I don’t have that chip inside me I don’t realize what it is I’m “supposed” to do I just do what I want. I don’t care what it is that YOU’RE doing – maybe you have a new best friend now – good for you – that doesn’t mean I can’t call you if I want and say hey what’s up, how’ve you been. You can not answer if you want – that’s your choice but if you make a big deal about the fact that I called and tell your mama and your boyfriend that I called and then write little cryptic tweets – it’s a little weird and it perplexes me like um …are you not over this? Are you not a mature adult?
I truly just don’t get how some people think I just think some people are so messed up it actually gives me a headache. Maybe some people read too much into small things… maybe I’m weird for being friendly and easy going and impulsive?
Am I “living in the past” if say an ex something from 7 years ago texts me happy birthday like they do every year and I say thanks and then we proceed to have a small conversation which culminates in us deciding to have a coffee together? No… I have no desire to get back together with the person or to rekindle a romance or friendship or to do anything other than have a coffee and see how they’ve been and have a friendly 20 minute meeting with someone who once put a smile on my face and nor do I think THEY want anything more than a coffee. I have time for a coffee it’s no sweat off my back. Now if people see us together of course I understand they might think differently because they don’t know the situation, that’s natural that’s understandable. What is not understandable is going around talking about it to Tom, Dick and Harry and going to ex’s friends and saying that ex is making a bad decision and ex needs to stop living in the past. IT’S JUST A COFFEE! IT’S JUST A HI. IT’S JUST A HUG. IT JUST IS WHAT IT IS.
Sometimes the guy who approaches you at a party and strikes up a conversation isn’t trying to pick you up… they’re just having a freaking conversation with you. There’s nothing wrong with humans trying to interact with each other. Some people just genuinely like conversing and connecting with people. Some people are just so messed up! Me talking to someone doesn’t mean I’m trying to get with them or vice versa. I just don’t get how some girls or guys get so jealous or offended at what they think someone else’s motive is. Some things should just be taken at face value. If you’re saying hey I hope you’ve been well – it means hey I hope you’ve been well not hey I freaking miss you and love you and think about you all the time.
Sometimes I walk into my old jobs to say hi to old coworkers or managers. That doesn’t mean I want my old job back, I have a new job.
People are attracted to what is comfortable and easy. What is easy and comfortable is taking a shit on other people in order to evade any form of self-analysis and awareness of their own negative intricacies. "Hey, she's a whore"! "He's a dumbass"! Um, okay, but what does that have to do with how we can improve on our own situation? "Did I mention that she is cheating on him"!
ReplyDeleteThe gossip-and-rant mentality that many have is completely delusional and a waste of time. But we all do it, whether in large doses or small amounts. The only advice I can give you is something an ex-girlfriend told me: "If you don't want people to talk shit, don't give them a reason to". That is not to say that you are doing anything wrong when you go out with a former flame, but...
It is very difficult - perhaps impossible - for men to be platonic friends with women. It is especially harder for men to be platonic friends with women they have previously dated. So, though I do not agree with the criticism that you may be receiving, the criticism can be seen as legitimate - at least from the perspective that the male still has some semblance of sexual attraction towards you.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I value your points and feedback... well your ex has some good advice there and I largely agree with it. I tell that to some of my younger girls as well - I think girls really have to be very careful because as advanced as the world seems today a girl's reputation is still very important. If you don't want people to think you're sleeping with some guy don't enter his hotel room at like a dance competition, don't text or send pictures to anyone that you wouldn't be comfortable having the world see. Things like that, yes definitely. However, people will always have something to say and talk ish about you there is never anything you can do to stop people from talking about you save hide in your house and never come out.
DeletePeople will talk about you even if you are doing nothing wrong because they don't like your clothes or voice or whatever and I'm pretty much totally ok with THAT because I've gotten used to it I don't take any of that to heart and it doesn't piss me off (anymore). I feel that people who don't like me are just people who haven't had the chance to get to know me yet and it's all good. As I mentioned in my post - "Now if people see us together of course I understand they might think differently because they don’t know the situation, that’s natural that’s understandable." (the story was an analogy hence why I said "say" before it... I have yet to meet an old friend from 7 years ago for a coffee or anything else) I'm not really talking about "normal" people who gossip here and there... it's not even all about gossip about ME.. a lot of it is what I hear around me ex. girls saying so and so picked them up at a bar and was totally hitting on them and really the guy is a sweet person who bought one drink because he knew the girl was his female cousin's friend and had a small conversation and walked away never putting the moves on her at all.
I just kind of wanted to write this post as a reminder - It's only natural for people to judge sometimes and I think that sometimes we need to remind ourselves and check ourselves and give people the benefit of the doubt. I disagree with you about the platonic friends thing - I know it is difficult (read the ladder theory) but I know that it is possible.
HA FUnny that Sharin will alwys mention friends or like girl relationships as well yet out of the whole article or blog or whtver ppl will only pick out one thing - ex bf. Like here she talked about jobs as an example and a friend but oh ya she must mean a guy cuz there's nothng else out ther.
DeleteI know so many ppl who twist one thing into a huge thng I think social media is to blame.
From Anonymous to Anonymous:
DeleteOh come on! REALLY?! Really!?!
The example of the friend from grade 4 or the job anecdote is neither potent nor relevant. On the other hand, the example of the ex has some value with regard to this blog post by Sharin.
People generally qualify their friendships from their adult lives as far more important than those of their childhoods. So, when you lose a friend at the age of 10, it is usually trivial and thus not all that harmful. On the other hand, if you lose a friend in adulthood, there may be a level of betrayal (money, sex, etc.) that warrants more discussion than a grade 4 beef.
It is not a matter of twisting one thing into something more perplexing. It is a matter of using an example that is worthy of the words that I write.
I think some people just become close minded about situations, and cannot sometimes stand other people having healthy relationships with an ex or a previously good friend.
ReplyDeleteIt just shows how good of a person you or anyone is if they are still able to keep at least a healthy greeting relationship. Honestly even I would see people I knew maybe two years ago, and all of a sudden are in front of me, I would definitely say hi. Its just a awkward situation if I just ignore them, and that would not reflect well for myself.
Hi, I am here as I promise ^^
ReplyDelete