C'est La Vie

Sometimes I really do feel the blues. I don't know what it is or what triggers it, but I try and do all the things that I mention in my post before: https://www.queensharin.com/2018/02/beat-blues.html but I don't know, sometimes, it still doesn't work for me.

Writing helps, I suppose. I hope. I really love life. No question about it we have a beautiful situation going on here (just a disclaimer). It's the little things, it's all good. But today - I felt the blues for a bit. Not all day... I have written before about being "extreme" as a person - https://www.queensharin.com/2011/02/extremist.html but lately I just feel my mood fluctuates too much. This morning I was jumping up and down and playing Bollywood music and doing bhangra and squats to Londono Patolla and then by 930pm I was sad and getting into bed because I didn't know what else to do. Anyway it's midnight now so I clearly got out of that little funk and tried to cheer up cuz it's the weekend, yo!

I think it's social media, or getting too absorbed in "tasks" I tend to focus on "things I need to do" a lot and none of it is really something I need to do in reality. Laundry, dishes, prepping for something, grocery shopping, vacuuming. Of course those things need to be done but my place is pretty freaking clean, I have enough clothes to skip laundry, food, etc. It's just tasks I feel I need to do when it can wait till like.. Monday night or something. I can find it really hard to relax. I feel like your everyday millennial saying this - and obviously anxiety is a real and serious thing not just a "kids these days" thing but it's not like I have any form of crippling anxiety.

I guess it's just stress? Stress about what you're going to do in life, whether you'll be able to survive (financially), whether you'll thrive (career wise), whether you'll live somewhere you love or somewhere you dislike, whether you'll be with the person you want to be with, whether you'll have medical issues you'll have to fight/suffer through, whether the people you love will survive n thrive, whether humans will even survive without ruining our world in some sort of mass self destructive event. Which means it's all the more reason to NOT be stressed right now because heck you don't have that much time left to enjoy yourself anyway lol.

Anyway, I just thought I'd post and be honest, that if you're feeling this way you're not alone. Also that it is hard work sometimes to be in a good headspace. Practicing mindfulness, trying to be calm and appreciative, not being absorbed by technology, getting into nature, working out and raising your endorphins, eating healthy, watching positive things or keeping positive people in your life, bettering yourself in some shape or form. They're all conscious and difficult decisions. It's not easy, but do or do not there is no try right? It's all too easy to be distracted from this, to mindlessly follow those around you seeking instant gratification. Focus on the big picture.

Goodnight! 

Hi all,

I have NO idea if anyone is still reading this, but in case you are and are auto-subscribed or something, a bunch of previously published posts just came out again as new posts. Rest assured those are OLD posts from years back that published automatically once I got my domain back.

Queensharin.com - we're back in business! I lost my domain a while ago and I'm still happy to have it back :)

Thanks and apologies for any confusion!

Best,
Sharin

A previous comment on one of my blog posts *yes I read them* asked me this:

How do you know ?. You mention the words, love, chemistry, comapatibility, attraction and passion. Essentially its being able to tell what your future might be with the guy based on the present, like how would you know and what would the guy have to show, that he is someone that you will love and be compatible with ? Do you measure how much he cares for you ?(love?), how often and long you are able to talk with him? (compatibility?), how hot and good looking he is ? and six pack? (attraction?), how many other girls want to date or get with him? (chemistry?), like what would he have to show, prove,say or do? 

I felt that others may have the same question - not specifically how do I know but how do women know that they are in love, so.. here we go!

The problem is that society has messed with people's heads.  A lot of women don't know what love is or they deny love.  Maybe it's because they don't think they deserve it, maybe they know that they are in love with someone but choose to deny themselves that happiness and live in denial.  Maybe the person they fell in love with isn't who or what they imagined and so they can't imagine "the future" dun dun dun. Maybe they're worried about "the future" dun dun dun.  Maybe they are afraid that the lifestyle they envisioned won't be there if they choose to continue down the path of true love.  Maybe they think that their parents won't be accepting, or that the person won't get along with their friends, or that the guy is too short/tall/fat/skinny/poor whatever.  

A lot of random little things can prevent love from maturing to it's full potential because of society.  Religion, status, desires in life (babies, marriage, living location) can affect a lot of things. Also, just not being ready for love can sometimes hold someone back. For example if I don't know where I'm going to be in the next year or so and I think I need a game plan and my life to be a certain way then I might reject love to work on what I need to work on. (I being used loosely here to represent everyone.. I have to throw in these disclaimers because people are *** and call me out on this stuff).

What is love?  I really don't think I have the answer.  I think that love is caring about a person, understanding WHO they are, recognizing that person's soul and what makes them happy and their life journey, wanting to see them happy and never wanting them to be hurt. 

Humans are stupid and silly and horrible people and you have to find something in that person - maybe the look in their eyes or that innocent quality or the smile on their face when you do something that makes them happy - that and joyful quality is what you want for them to always be.  Happy and trusting of you completely.  If you can hurt them in one fell swoop - they're in love with you.  So is love... related to hurt?  

Yes, I think so.  When you're falling in love or in love, you think about what would happen if you hurt them - and that thought makes you a bit sick.  You think to yourself, I could never hurt this person.  You also think about your life without them.  Maybe there will be a tragic accident, or maybe they'll break up with you, or maybe you'll lose your legs and they'll fall out of love with you.  Whatever the case, you picture some random psycho theory in your head.  If you start imagining this kind of stuff - you're probably in love.

Read this little blurb from a Divorced Man:

http://www.oddcrunch.com/divorced-man-words/0

His blog: http://geraldrogers.com - He's a motivational speaker or something now but regardless his words have definitely touched a lot of people as his post went viral.

Why can't we all just be in love happily ever after :) ?

Have you found your soulmate or are you still looking?  Do you believe in soul mates?  Do you think a soulmate is necessarily a lover that you will be with for the rest of your life or can it be like - just a soul that you connect with?

Can a soulmate and the love of your life be two different things?

This weekend, I had a randomly awesome conversation at Starbucks with someone.  I was sitting there working and I see someone who I often ran into but didn't know very well personally.

It was kind of a "ships in the sea", "strangers on a train" moment where we had a very genuine and honest conversation.   We discussed a life passion, we discussed where we really wanted to be, we discussed food, relationships, heartbreak, society.  I was told "boy it must be hard for you to find someone to date here" which I completely whole heartedly agree with :P hahaha, not many people these days have any insight or thought processes on what they're doing or what they think.  It's like they're just blindly marching on succumbing to the pressures of society.  We discussed the effect that alcohol has on young individuals (cough such as myself cough) these days.

This weekend, I kissed my friend's baby.  He's adorable.  We sat on her and her husband's patio with multiple of our friends and had some bbq'd chicken, food, spirits and conversation. 

To Obsessed,

I want you to know that this letter is my expression of genuine concern for you. I know you know who I am and now that I know who you are it's time for this unhealthy obsession of yours to come to an end.

I will never understand your need to basically stalk me. I don't know what good your "research" on me will do for you - I'm not the one you need to worry about, seemingly maybe your "relationship" deserves more of your attention, perhaps? I can't help that he has a wandering eye and needs - just like you can't help the distance and seperation.
The attention you're giving me is just what he clearly craves and it's unhealthy to say the least, but if you so choose to continue your "relationship" with someone who would probably be happier with a mirror for company... so be it! If you want to talk to me, I'm here. Otherwise, please move on!


Thank you. Concerned.