Empathy


“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” ― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross




There are some people where the world revolves around them and their view of situations and scenarios, and who feel that their viewpoint is either the only correct one or definitely the most interesting and unique. Ex. common phrases "I don't get why you feel that way". "I don't understand you". "That is the wrong thing to say (or do), the right way is ___". "I don't know why you act like this, if I were you I would ___".  "I'm the only one I know that feels ___" "I'm the only person that this happens to". "No one else has ever been in this situation before", "I'm the first to point out that..", "I'm the only one that commented on this", "I'm the only person that thought of ___", "etc. These types of people don't usually tend to uplift those around them as they often come across as condescending in nature or self centered.The quality they are lacking, is empathy. If you are around someone that isn't empathetic they will tend to belittle your thoughts and feelings, whether intentionally or just by showing lack of care into your own insight, either because they're just a sh*tty person, or because they are oblivious.
People who I truly love to be around are people who can appreciate and understand not just their own view but others as well. Empathy is part of their intrinsic nature, and they do not doubt that all those around them have a similar nature. They get that you too are moved, feel, have ups and downs, can relate, have a common or shared understanding. Or they simply understand that your reaction or what you're choosing to say encompasses the basic nature of the situation at hand without jumping down your throat at any mis-step or thing unsaid. They understand you, and you can understand them. If you constantly feel like "no one understands you" (something I've definitely felt as a teenager - when you're usually a lot more self centered) that's an indication that you perhaps need to become more empathetic.

Perhaps there is one more trait besides empathy that results in this type of personality. For example I'm sure you've heard of Donald Trump's recent gaffe with the bullet point "I hear you" on his memo when speaking to Parkland survivors.

The other trait seems to revolve around self centeredness, narcissism. It is this "captain obvious" way of thinking or belief where they point out the most obvious with a smugness that - aha! - They were the only ones that think like this, without realizing that is part of the basic understanding of the situation. Again, using Parkland as an example, you have people filled with immense grief over the friends they lost and the families who lost their child, sibling etc. And these same people are still choosing to use their voice to also reflect on gun control policies (being channelled out of grief, out of anger, out of frustration). Those people are not lacking in empathy to the families that lost lives. In fact many of the family members themselves were at the White House to discuss this very matter. So to call someone out and say - you shouldn't be talking about gun control right now you should be thinking of the people that lost their lives (as an example)- THOSE people I find to be self centered and lacking empathy. That's obvious, Captain.

When I encounter someone with low empathy, I'm often shocked by some of their statements because it can seem really cold hearted. What I like to think about though is that perhaps it just seems that way, they may not actually be cold hearted. This person's life view is not as defined or explored as someone who has as in the quote above "known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.". Should they be blamed for never having been in that situation, will they change when they have been in that situation? Or should you by basic understanding and thought "being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes" be able to understand and be empathetic despite having a direct corresponding memory to associate with?