C'est La Vie

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou

People will never forget how you made them feel.  This is what I want to do in life… I want to make people feel.  I want to be able to make as many people feel as I can.  If I can make someone feel something, then I have distracted them in that one moment from whatever is going on in their life and that one moment of their life is a gift to me… it would be mine and weaved into my tapestry, into my story and would connect me with them. 

I want to take your breath away, I want to make you laugh, I want to make you cry, I want to remind you of someone important in your life.  I want that one moment from you.

This is why I want to be an actor (and this is why since I’m not an actor right now – I write!). 

I’m jealous of Oprah!  Not because of the money (although I wouldn’t say no to a billion dollars…actually maybe I would… too much friggin money)… but because her job allowed her to make other people feel, every single day (and this is why I love Shah Rukh Khan…although mine and his story/love affair is a long story).  I’m jealous of Oprah because everyday when she was standing on her show she knew that that was exactly where she was supposed to be.  Not a lot of people can say that.  That’s a blessing. 

Have you ever watched the musical Burlesque?  In it, Christina Aguilera's character leaves her small town when she realizes that there is literally no one else in that town who’s life she would want.  There was no one there who inspired her enough to make her want to stay.  This is kind of how I feel about Vancouver.  There is NO ONE here whose life I would want, there is no one here, no career position that has inspired me enough to want to stay here and there is no position or job that I could create even to fulfill what I want.  I know what I want, and it’s just not here.  The only thing keeping me in Vancouver right now is my family – I can’t even say my friends because I know I would meet my friends if I moved anywhere else in the world but I can’t just pick up and relocate my family.

I’ve lived in Vancouver for over 15 years now and there came a point where I was overseas and was boarding my flight to come home to YVR and I was just like… what is the point?  What do I have there?  That moment was terrifying to me – that I could have lived somewhere for over a decade and feel that besides my family I have nothing really physically keeping me there.  It was… terrifying, sad, humbling.  It was kind of my “Eat pray love” moment except I couldn’t sell off all my things like her and travel the world with a book deal waiting for me because I have a FAMILY and I have RESPONSIBILITIES… but how I wish I could have!!

Living an uninspired life is a fate worse than death.  I hope I get to fulfill my dreams and I hope you do too!!!  Goodnight everyone.

Ok so this is a random short post because I’m going to crash soon and have to wake up at 5am but…one of my lingering, nagging fears (so not a fear that’s constantly there but a mellower more brooding fear) that pops up every so often is the fear that my close friends will eventually turn on me for reasons unbeknownst to me.  Maybe I’m just paranoid.  You see it happen on 90210 or Gossip Girl all the time, where someone out there is out to get you and all of a sudden your boyfriend, your friends, even your parents turn against you and you have no way of telling everyone what the truth is; or you tell them and they just don’t believe you.  Ah there you go that’s my fear: telling someone the truth and them not believing you.

I just think it’s horrible… – I don’t mean telling someone that you can just write off like ok whatever they don’t believe you - their loss, I mean someone who you deeply and truly care about like your parents or your really close friends. I mean in this day and age where you have sites like “The Dirty” where people can say anything and everything they want about you without repercussions it just seems like it’s something that could happen easily.

Anyone out there can say anything about you, and it’s true that your worst enemies are the ones you don’t even know about.  Some random guy or girl might say some random thing about you and there’s nothing that you can do to stop them.  If you’re someone that is actually friendly and outgoing, chances are people are going to believe the random guy and believe effed up rumours about you (well to you they’re effed up but they might be something small and believable).  It’s just so WEIRD and not fair.  There’s nothing you can do to protect yourself and you just have to hope and believe that people you love and that “know” you will know what kind of person you are.  It’s not just about rumours, but say you’re being possessed by the Devil or something and you tell someone and instead of believing you they think you’re mental?!  I used to tell my guy friend all the time to remember to take me seriously if I ever say I’m being possessed.  Like legit conversation. 

Anyways I guess in short one thing that I want to tell people is that looks can be deceiving.  Things aren’t always what they seem.