Friend Zone
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My response: Fellas, girls are sick of hearing you talk about the Friend Zone. The "friendzone" is a scenario the rejected make up to make themselves seem like victims simply for not having their feelings returned. Get over it.
Now I've touched on this topic before in my "Nice guys" finish last post but that was quite some time ago (3 years?), and I don't think I fully delved into this topic the way I should have. Most people who read my blog post at that point didn't really get that "nice" with quotation marks in my vocabulary - did not equal a truly genuine and good guy.
Every guy and every girl should be NICE to other people. That would be basic manners would it not to be pleasant, kind and friendly!? So why is it that when a guy feels like he's a "Nice" guy and he's not getting the girls that he wants he suddenly blames everything on being friend zoned and girls not appreciating the value of his niceness? Why do other guys back this absurd theory up?
Why is it that GIRLS have to hear "He's Just Not That Into You" where we're taught in books, in movies, in popular culture that we're supposed to stop acting like fools and ACCEPT the fact that the man is just simply not into us...
...While Guys are allowed to BLAME women for not "recognizing" the fact that they were so great and kind and wait for it.. nice? Guys are allowed to just walk around being like "man I treated her so well, I listened to her while she talked about all of her problems and watched all her favourite movies with her and she just friend zoned me, what a b*tch, chicks are f*cked" while girls are told to accept it. I'm sorry you're right it's MY fault that someone was friendly, showed common courtesy, had good conversations with me about topics and it's my fault that I didn't want to immediately jump his bones or marry him because of this.
Why are girls supposed to be so thankful that a guy is being nice to her that we're supposed to date/marry/whatever them? Do we not deserve, does the GUY not deserve to meet someone who has a genuine connection with them? Whatever happened to LOVE, Chemistry, Compatibility, Attraction, Passion and other such powerful emotions? I want men to want more for themselves, I want them to find a girl that loves them for who they truly are (flaws and all) and to wait for someone who they genuinely, truly connect with and most of all I want them to stop blaming women for when their feelings are not reciprocated. It is not a woman's duty to like you just because you were nice and friendly.
I know so many NICE girls, that have bad qualities about them like every other human being, as well as many NICE guys with bad qualities about them. Just because NICE GIRL+NICE GUY meet and the person fits all the criteria (well educated, nice, smart, kind, good family, can cook, good job) does NOT mean that they should be together!
Life is a journey as they say, and I don't know about you but I want someone that I can see myself enjoying my time with for the rest of my life, walking, running, exploring and growing with.. not just settling for someone who checks off the "marriageable" or "dateable" qualities in a man.
Interesting post, however there are a few things that I would somewhat disagree with you on. Firstly, the perception of the "nice guy" and the "friend zone" with most guys and girls I know is basically, that "nice guy" is typically the guy that does not have much experience with woman, such as talking to them, interacting with them, knowing how they think and their mental frame of mind. The "friend zone" is, according to me, a list of guys that a female has in which she likes to be around these guys but she has no interest in having a romantic/sexual relationship with them (those guys are not hot or cute according to her). It can be said that an unwritten/unspoken rule of relationships is that both involved have to have the desire to have sex with one another, otherwise it will not work.
ReplyDeleteBelow is an article that explains this well.
http://www.girlschase.com/content/just-friends-mans-worst-nightmare
With your post, I see the classic example of a guy not knowing what his place is in the life of the girl. For example, the girl talks to the guy about problems in her life or family late at night or text him to hang out with him, but the girl behaves like that with every guy and girl she knows, its normal for her to go with a guy to say, a hockey game, and its not a date, they're just hanging out, however the "nice guy" who might not have much experience with woman will think "hey, maybe this girl likes me" but its not the case because he doesn't know his "place". Its true that some guys do take the friend zone thing too far and shame the girl that was involved, which is wrong but if the guy had known his "place" in the beginning as just another one of her girl friends, everything might've been fine.
Every girl has a "list" of guys that she might date and guys that she will never date, the problem is the guy doesn't know which list he is on(ie, the ladder theory) but the article below explains what I mean.
http://www.girlschase.com/content/sexual-economics-lover-and-provider
Correct me if I am wrong, but lets say a girl meets two guys, one she might date and one she will never, will she tell those guys straight up how she feels......no, so the "nice guy" of the two becomes nice, does things for her and becomes a sympathetic shoulder/ear, all the while she is dating guy number two on the side because she wants to date him. IF the nice had known that the girl would never date him, the whole thing might have been avoided.
But I do think that you have a good grasp of what you are looking for in a partner, based on your last paragraph, but how do you know ?. You mention the words, love, chemistry, comapatibility, attraction and passion. Essentially its being able to tell what your future might be with the guy based on the present, like how would you know and what would the guy have to show, that he is someone that you will love and be compatible with ? Do you measure how much he cares for you ?(love?), how often and long you are able to talk with him? (compatibility?), how hot and good looking he is ? and six pack? (attraction?), how many other girls want to date or get with him? (chemistry?), like what would he have to show, prove,say or do?
A guy only has one shot with a girl and if he blows it he's gone forever in her mind, its actually worse for guys in my opinion.
http://www.girlschase.com/content/what-women-want
Thanks for your comment and for reading my blog!
ReplyDeleteI think my main point is that it doesn't matter why the guy didn't "get the girl", the point is is that she's just not that into him.
It doesn't matter if he "knows how to talk to a woman" or not - she's not into him! It doesn’t matter if nice means - an awkward guy, or if it means a guy who would always be faithful and loyal and holds doors open for you - the point is that the lady is not interested.
He should accept that, the world should accept that, and the concept of a "friend zone" should not exist because there is nothing wrong with a woman not digging the guy - no matter how good or nice or kind he is.
The double standard that women have to accept that a man is not into her but men (as a whole) can soothe their bruised egos by saying they were friend zoned (and then liking bro tips and sharing memes like the one I shared in my above blog) which in effect puts the blame on the woman (for not realizing they were a nice/good guy), when really there is nothing to point fingers at, no one did anything wrong.
You bring up two other points/questions in your comment - 1.) Why do some guys who want something more with the woman not get what they desire and 2.) How do I know ...
I didn't touch on those points in this response of mine because these are like full out blog posts on their own :) haha.. but I'm wondering do you mean specifically how do I personally know (I have no problem answering) or how do "women" (if we can speak generally) know?
I'm curious to know both your perception and the general perception.... It seems to me you know how a guy can "check off" the qualities that, not just you, but most women desire and long for, compatibility, love, attraction. How would one show or prove it ?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.laddertheory.com/
ReplyDelete