C'est La Vie

Holy crap.. I spent so long yesterday writing only to realize today that it didn’t get posted, or saved in my drafts!  Jeeeeez.

Ok so basically, secret revealed, I’m a little bit possessive when it comes to my friends.  I don’t know why, nor do I think it’s a particularly bad thing, but it’s just the way I am.  I like being number one, in everything in life, including friendships (buttt that doesn’t mean that I’m super duper competitive.. I like being number one naturally and effortlessly.. I don’t like to fight for the position).  I can get tight with someone fast, but I don’t get tight with just anyone, so I guess when I feel that they’re getting tight with other people that I know as well, I’m like “hm.. maybe I don’t know them as well as I thought”.  Why?  Because clearly, I’m super cool, and that’s why they became tight with me.. but.. if they’re getting tight with other people after meeting the most super cool person in the world, then they’re not as cool as I thought for recognizing my coolness because apparently.. everyone is cool to them!  Now this scenario only applies if I totally don’t think the other person is cool.  If I can see their coolness then yea totally I don’t mind (ex. if they become tight with say my best friend its all G but if they become tight with some random that I know then it’s like are you serious?)

Does that make sense?  It’s weird because, if they had these tight friends before they became friends with me, that’s totally fine, but if they become tight with someone after me, then I start thinking that.. they’re just not as dope as I thought.  It’s like my friend from highschool… I just don’t understand how he could throw away two of the most dope and chiller chicks around (moi and my friend) for like.. random people that he must have met after high school.  I’m sorry but I don’t think they can beat us in dopeness ahahah lolll.  Ok I know this probably isn’t making much sense to you but whatever… it’s my blog.  Oh, back to the competitive thing I was saying earlier – I am competitive when it comes to certain things, but for things like social groups, I’m not competitive.  Ex. if I’m with a group of people and there’s one really loud girl, I revert to being the quiet one in the group who doesn’t really talk much.  I just feel like clearly this girl wants the attention today so whatever, I’m not going to compete for it.  If there is no one loud in the group though, I am a lot more vocal because someone’s gotta be loud or it’s boring!  I know.. my mind is a little bit twisted.