Say my name, say my name.. you acting kinda shady, ain’t calling me baby.. why the sudden change?
Destiny Child’s hit single..Say my name. What’s in a name??????? Saying someone’s name when you are greeting the person, is normal. Saying someone’s name while you are in conversation with them, or after you’ve already said your greetings, is a sign of intimacy. Saying a shortened version of that person’s name or a special version, is an even greater sign of intimacy. If you say “Hey Sharin how’s it going?”, that’s normal. If in conversation you say, “Sharin.. I don’t know.. I’m just… I’m not really sure what to do Sharin… I need some help deciding”.. it’s not REALLYYY normal. Normal would be “I’m not really sure what to do man/yo/dude” or “Hey.. I’m not really sure what to do.”. Saying “Shar.. I don’t know.. I’m just… I’m not really sure what to do Shar?”etc etc IS EVEN MORE INTIMATE. I’m not crazy! It’s true.
N what if you’re having physical relations with someone???? The only reason someone would say your name in the middle of a physical moment if they normally DON’T do that is because: a.) they’re reminding themselves who they’re with and quite possibly but not necessarily relishing the difference OR b.) they’re trying to get into it because they’re not. Into it, that is. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Trust me.
It’s true…saying someone’s name other than in your initial greeting is a sign of intimacy … so much so that it is often used in sales tactics for that particular reason. It’s a sign of closeness, friendship, and just by saying it, it forms a bond with that person. Who knew a name was so personal?.. yes it’s your name but it’s meant for other people to use right??? I don’t know, I just feel weird when people know my name or speak it when they don’t really know me and just see it on a nametag. What’s in a name? A name.. or how someone says it, can tell you a lot. If someone uses a person’s name more in conversation say or to call them or to tell them something (other than when they used it in the initial contact) rather than saying a generic term like “hey” “yo” or just avoiding using a noun… I duno it’s weird.
Long story short.. if you don’t know me well.. don’t keep dropping my name in conversation unless you think I’m into you… you’ll freak me out. N if you want to hide intimacy with someone.. refrain from saying their name, especially a mod vers. Ppl notice. If you want to enforce a bond and strengthen it… say it like she’s Beyonce singing the instructions to you… say her goddamn name!
I can't believe I stumbled across this post as it is so relevant to my life. I have been married for 13 years. We've had our share of rocky times but have built a solid, loving relationship. One major source of upset; however, is that my husband won't EVER call my by name. It wouldn't be as noticeable if he called me anything, but he does not. He's not a "honey" or "baby" kind of guy and that's okay but the glaringly obvious realization that he will not speak my name is unsettling. I've asked him many time and he has no answer, just says he does not know. He can call everyone else by their name but I am called to as "Hey." If I thought he didn't love me it would be very easy to assume that it was just a reaction to a bad relationship or loss of love etc. I am very sure that my husband loves me. In fact, he is somewhat insecure and I believe he does not feel like he deserves me... He is not demonstrative with displays of affection or lovey-dovey words or actions but he is a very honest, trustworthy and dependable man. I have heard him say my name exactly two times in the past 14 1/2 years that I've been with him. One was when the preacher asked, "I take you [insert name] to be my lawfully wedded wife..." And the other was before we got married I called him because I had been in a car accident and hit a bus, he responded with, "Oh, [insert my name]." There has to be some reason he can't ever say my name. It truly is hurtful and makes me feel like no one to him. It seems like such a petty thing when everything else is so good but it does hurt...I am looking for any and all possible ideas. Truly don't believe it relates to his feelings for me...
ReplyDeleteWow, well firstly thank you for taking the time to read my blog and also for responding. Your name is a very intimate thing for a loved one to say because they do not utter it with the same casualness as another person. I know many people who won't say even their own name because it's hard for them to. I think the main issue is not that he won't say your name but rather the fact that he won't address you with any kind of endearment; no honey, no babe. Start off with trying to get him to address you with SOMETHING other than hey or oye. That should be your first step. Saying babe may actually be easier for him than saying your name. "Hey", does not quite cut it. If you really think he's not a "babe" saying kinda guy then try to get him to call you by the first letter of your first name. If he's going to say "Hey" or "Oye" he has to combine it with the first letter of your name. Don't respond if he doesn't.. this is obviously a big concern for you, you care about this! Take it one step at a time! Kepe me posted!
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