When You Go Away
It feels like you’re still here… or rather still there and I am here. It feels like I can still reach you, like you’re still going about your day, still thinking your thoughts, still waking up every morning. I’m so sorry for every lost moment. I keep thinking back to the last time I hugged you, the last night we were together. I didn’t sleep all night. I knew it then, I knew in my heart that it was going to be the last time. I didn’t want to let you go, I didn’t want to walk out that door. I kept looking back. I kept looking back. I see you waving at me, and I can’t believe that I pretended that everything was ok. Acting normal, not breaking down and you saying that you’ll see me soon and not to cry. Did you know? I remember your hug, your skin, your hair, your voice. I knew it then. I knew it then.
You were the most beautiful person I have ever met. I know there is a God because God was in you.
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your
laughter rises was oftentime filled with your tears...
When you are joyous, look deep into
your heart and you shall find it is only
that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in
your heart, and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been
your delight.
~ Kahlil Gibran
It’s hard when you know someone is leaving you forever and there is nothing you can do. You want so badly to stop time and you tell yourself in your head: Sharin you must remember every aspect of this moment, for it will never come again. You try like a silly human to use your fancy contraptions that are supposed to help you freeze a moment or feel close to a person. A photograph. A video. A phone call. Funny thing, the human mind. It can remember every line of your favourite move, every word of your favourite song. It can remember a dance you performed when you were five years old, or a trillion passwords and account numbers…but it can’t bring back every aspect of a past moment. It is in the complexities, powers and failures of a human’s memory that I sense an omniscient all knowing God. Our failed and flawed memory is a blessing, for if I could remember every moment, I would live each day reliving them.
You only live once. No matter what you believe in, this is the only thing we know, that we only have one chance to live this life. Do with it what you will…you choose to be fully present… argue incessantly with people you love, make passionate love, backpack through Europe or Asia, sit on a computer and find people with mutual interests on a social networking site, or sit and read this blog for hours, but whatever you do…be fully present for the moment will never come again. All I know is, there are two times in my life when I seriously thought…what if I had died because of this… perhaps by not shoulder checking or having a car make a left turn at an intersection and then suddenly stop, not looking when I crossed the street…whatever the moment may have been.. I thought, what if this was it? The end. The first thought that came to my mind on both times? I argued with my mother today. My second thought was ew omg I can’t believe I was wearing mismatched underwear :P lol jk haha… I know, I know, I just ruined the entire feeling and emotion of this blog with that last comment hahaha. Go call a human being you’ve been staring at a computer screen for far too long.
You were the most beautiful person I have ever met. I know there is a God because God was in you.
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your
laughter rises was oftentime filled with your tears...
When you are joyous, look deep into
your heart and you shall find it is only
that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in
your heart, and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been
your delight.
~ Kahlil Gibran
It’s hard when you know someone is leaving you forever and there is nothing you can do. You want so badly to stop time and you tell yourself in your head: Sharin you must remember every aspect of this moment, for it will never come again. You try like a silly human to use your fancy contraptions that are supposed to help you freeze a moment or feel close to a person. A photograph. A video. A phone call. Funny thing, the human mind. It can remember every line of your favourite move, every word of your favourite song. It can remember a dance you performed when you were five years old, or a trillion passwords and account numbers…but it can’t bring back every aspect of a past moment. It is in the complexities, powers and failures of a human’s memory that I sense an omniscient all knowing God. Our failed and flawed memory is a blessing, for if I could remember every moment, I would live each day reliving them.
You only live once. No matter what you believe in, this is the only thing we know, that we only have one chance to live this life. Do with it what you will…you choose to be fully present… argue incessantly with people you love, make passionate love, backpack through Europe or Asia, sit on a computer and find people with mutual interests on a social networking site, or sit and read this blog for hours, but whatever you do…be fully present for the moment will never come again. All I know is, there are two times in my life when I seriously thought…what if I had died because of this… perhaps by not shoulder checking or having a car make a left turn at an intersection and then suddenly stop, not looking when I crossed the street…whatever the moment may have been.. I thought, what if this was it? The end. The first thought that came to my mind on both times? I argued with my mother today. My second thought was ew omg I can’t believe I was wearing mismatched underwear :P lol jk haha… I know, I know, I just ruined the entire feeling and emotion of this blog with that last comment hahaha. Go call a human being you’ve been staring at a computer screen for far too long.
Technorati Tags: Love,sadness,joy,Khalil Gibran,memory,life,living in the moment,moments,car accidents,flawed,silly,humans,photograph,omniscient,God
I can relate as if I was saying the first half of your blog. (U)
ReplyDeleteI now take a deep breath and say, "shit like this so totally sucks."
:(
I wish I never have to go through something like that ever again. It's the worst pain and hardest thing I've ever had to go through ever, SAYING GOODBYE. (u)