Love The Way You Lie

Like every other girl out there, I’m a little obsessed with this song.  However, I have no clue why other girls are so in love with it.  Do they relate to it?  Do they just like the beat?  Do they like to picture themselves as the tragic heroine?  I like this song, I relate to it, but I think it popularizes domestic violence.
I first heard this song on the Hills and thought it had a good beat.  I liked Rihanna’s part a lot initially but the more I listen to it the more I feel that Eminem definitely steals the show, plus it has enough swearing in it to soothe my anger problems while I’m driving and the song is on blast with the wind blowing in my hair.  Mucho enjoyment.
The phrase Rihanna sings haunted me... love the way you lie..  How can you love the way someone lies?  Then it hit me, it’s completely true.  It might sound weird but essentially, people lie because they care about you and because they don’t want to hurt you!  Does the truth really benefit you?  It might, it might not.  Knowing the truth sometimes doesn’t give you any more power than just accepting circumstances without knowing the reasons behind it and being able to continue regardless.  Does it matter how Tutankhamen died?  In the end, he’s dead and that’s all there really is to it.  (Ok, that was kind of random but you know what I mean!).   Sometimes things happen and you just have to deal with it.  Maybe one day you will find out the truth, but more often than not I feel that sometimes the truth is better left unknown.  People who lie to you are lying because they are not strong enough to speak the truth, but in the end, they do not wish to hurt you.  People who are being lied to often sense that they’re being lied to deep down but because they’re afraid to face the truth, they eat the lies. Being lied to is like hoping; you hope that what they say is true or could be and that’s why people love it when they are lied to, deep down.  Most people love to live a lie and deny the truth.  Hey, I’m not saying those are healthy people or relationships by any means but as long as people are happy, that’s all that really matters.  So, lets just say, I get what Rihanna means when she says “I love the way you lie”.
What I HATE about this song however, is that I feel that it glamorizes and popularizes domestic violence, rather than just bringing awareness to this serious issue.  I feel that little kids who watch Megan Fox and whoever that dude is (?) thrash it out will get the impression that this is a normal thing for grownups to do in grownup relationships.  It actually even looks SEXY and if I were a kid I’d probably expect it to happen to me at least once in my life in the future.  Contrasted to when I was growing up; I never expected anything like what happens in this music video to happen to me.  The only time I heard about domestic violence or people hitting each other was when I saw it happen in families with lower social and economic status on tv.  You knew it wasn’t something that would happen to YOU PERSONALLY!  I feel like people will look at this song and when violence happens to them, they will think that it’s normal, that it happens to normal people and they will sit there and accept it.  That is the problem.  This is not normal, you should not accept it, you should be shocked and horrified if this ever happened to you, and you should seek help.  It’s scary, and it’s serious.  What if on every show on tv there was domestic violence between the couples on the show?  What if Doug hit Carrie on the King of Queens every time she pissed him off, or the other way around… what if Ross and Rachel were always shown hitting each other and then kissing passionately on Friends?  Do you not think that this would become more of a norm for people?  Do you feel that more physical abuse would seep into relationships?  Or do you think that you would never do that, never hit a girl, never hit your man?  There is no grey area, you can’t say “hey I just threw something at her/him, I didn’t actually hit her/him”, if it is an act of violence, it is wrong.  All I’m saying is, that when a song like this with popular artists and glamorous a-list movie stars in the music video depict abuse, they don’t bring awareness to this social issue, they simply glamorize it and make it more of a cultural norm, and I am against that.  It was such a huge deal when MTV showed the teaser of Snooki getting punched on Jersey Shore (although they didn’t air it in the episode) because of this EXACT REASON.  POPULARIZING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.  ‘Tis a no no.  Let me know your thoughts on this issue :)

dvposterThe real faces of domestic violence:
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Stop Trippin’

“They Say I'm Different
They Don't Understand
But There's A Bigger Problem
That's Much More In Demand
You Got World Hunger
Not Enough To Eat
So There's Really No Time
To Be Trippin' On Me”
- Michael Jackson

 

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Final Season of The Hills!

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I used to love watching this show.  Hearing Lauren Conrad’s voice.. the song in the beginning, the palm trees, the Hollywood sign..what’s not to love?  It was so cool to see these girls living a life that many girls including myself would want to live.  Lauren came from a well off family, was going to fashion school, working for Teen Vogue, partying, living in a big city, was pursuing her dream, and had cute boys as friends and even cuter clothes…it was the dream life.  She was likeable, relatable, she cared about her friends, she was down to earth, she made mistakes (yes, she will always be remembered as the girl who didn’t go to Paris) and she was losing her friend to a smarmy guy and couldn’t do anything about it.  It was electrifying television I tell you.  It was a show full of promises, it was youthful, and it was fresh.  As I sat down to watch the first episode of the final season the other day, I felt sick watching it.. where did it all go so wrong?
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Why did I feel sick?  It kind of reminds me of this poem from the beginning of one of the best books ever: The Valley of the Dolls
You've got to climb to the top of Mount Everest
to reach the Valley of the Dolls.
It's a brutal climb to reach that peak,
which so few have seen.
You never knew what was really up there,
but the last thing you expected to find
was the Valley of the Dolls.
You stand there, waiting for
the rush of exhilaration
you thought you'd feel - but
it doesn't come.
You're too far away to hear the applause
and take your bows.
And there's no place left to climb.
You're alone, and
the feeling of loneliness is overpowering.
The air is so thin you can scarcely breathe.
You've made it - and the world says
you're a hero.
But it was more fun at the bottom
when you started,
with nothing more than hope and
the dream of fulfillment.
All you saw was the top of that mountain -
there was no one to tell you
about the Valley of the DOlls.
But it's different
when you reach the summit.
The elements have left you battered,
deafened, sightless - and too weary
to enjoy your victory.
- Jacqueline Susann, Valley of the Dolls
I felt sick watching it because of Heidi Montag.  She started off as a sweet girl, full of spunk and brimming with confidence.  She looked fresh faced and cute… Now, she’s a completely different person!  The allure of fame and living in LA has ruined her.  How is it good television to see someone fall apart?  I’ll admit it’s morbidly fascinating, and while that may help ratings, it leaves one with a bitter aftertaste in their mouth and that’s not good.  I just kept shaking my head in sadness and pity when I saw Heidi and her mom having their conversation in Heidi’s hometown.  I feel so bad for Heidi’s mom it’s crazy.  I can’t imagine how she feels, to see her daughter change so rapidly over just a few years and morph into someone who has succumbed to the pressures of living in LA.  It’s a horror story.  The Hills is supposed to resemble a fairy tale, not a horror story!  It’s become something that I would imagine a parent would show a child if the child said they want to become famous.  “Do you want to turn out like Heidi Montag?  Look what happened to her…it’s an evil world out there kiddo”
The episode really made me sick, Heidi’s plastic surgery nightmare, seeing her mom’s pain and sadness (I DO NOTTT WANT TO SEE A MOMMY CRYING ON TV! IT’S JUST TOO SAD!), watching Kristen do shot after shot, drug abuse accusations… it was too much I was cringing the whole way through the show.  I think to have fame and to go for a dream and enter a world that is cut throat, you need to be strong, level headed and grounded or you’ll just get chewed up and spit out.  Heidi got screwed and it truly is sad to watch.  The show used to have a point, it was about a girl pursuing her dream.  There is no point to the show anymore other than to watch all their lives derail. 

Hahahahahahaha

So my doctor had prescribed me these pills… and I just decided to read up on them 2.5 months into taking them…

Here are some of the things I laughed at:

  • Anxiety or restlessness:
    • An increase in daytime anxiety or restlessness has been observed during treatment.
  • Bad taste in mouth:
    • May cause you to have a coated tongue, bad breath, or a bitter taste in your mouth. These effects often occur when this medication is being used.
  • Behaviour changes:
    • This medication may worsen symptoms of depression, including thoughts of suicide or wanting to harm others. It may also cause agitated or aggressive behaviour. If you experience these symptoms or any other behaviour change while taking this medication, contact your doctor immediately. Family members or caregivers of people who are taking this medication should contact the person's doctor immediately if they notice unusual behaviour changes.
  • Performing activities while not fully awake:
    • People taking this may perform activities such as sleepwalking, driving, preparing and eating food, and making phone calls while not fully awake and unaware of their actions. The next morning, they may not remember what happened.  If you discover this has happened to you, contact your doctor immediately.

 

I swear to God I didn’t just make that up lol.  Wow.  Thanks doctors and pharmacists for not telling me any of this!  It was sooo not on the sheet that I was given but man I got a laugh out of this.  Haha sooo bang on.  Hahahhaha.

Fear

It’s really scary.

Say my name, say my name.. you acting kinda shady, ain’t calling me baby.. why the sudden change?

Destiny Child’s hit single..Say my name.  What’s in a name???????  Saying someone’s name when you are greeting the person, is normal.  Saying someone’s name while you are in conversation with them, or after you’ve already said your greetings, is a sign of intimacy.  Saying a shortened version of that person’s name or a special version, is an even greater sign of intimacy.  If you say “Hey Sharin how’s it going?”, that’s normal.  If in conversation you say, “Sharin.. I don’t know.. I’m just… I’m not really sure what to do Sharin… I need some help deciding”.. it’s not REALLYYY normal.  Normal would be “I’m not really sure what to do man/yo/dude” or “Hey.. I’m not really sure what to do.”.  Saying “Shar.. I don’t know.. I’m just… I’m not really sure what to do Shar?”etc etc IS EVEN MORE INTIMATE.  I’m not crazy!  It’s true. 

N what if you’re having physical relations with someone????  The only reason someone would say your name in the middle of a physical moment if they normally DON’T do that is because: a.) they’re reminding themselves who they’re with and quite possibly but not necessarily relishing the difference OR b.) they’re trying to get into it because they’re not.  Into it, that is.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  Trust me.

It’s true…saying someone’s name other than in your initial greeting is a sign of intimacy … so much so that it is often used in sales tactics for that particular reason.  It’s a sign of closeness, friendship, and just by saying it, it forms a bond with that person.  Who knew a name was so personal?.. yes it’s your name but it’s meant for other people to use right???  I don’t know, I just feel weird when people know my name or speak it when they don’t really know me and just see it on a nametag.  What’s in a name?  A name.. or how someone says it, can tell you a lot.  If someone uses a person’s name more in conversation say or to call them or to tell them something (other than when they used it in the initial contact) rather than saying a generic term like “hey” “yo” or just avoiding using a noun… I duno it’s weird.

Long story short.. if you don’t know me well.. don’t keep dropping my name in conversation unless you think I’m into you… you’ll freak me out.  N if you want to hide intimacy with someone.. refrain from saying their name, especially a mod vers.  Ppl notice.  If you want to enforce a bond and strengthen it… say it like she’s Beyonce singing the instructions to you… say her goddamn name!

CTV News Star | Sharin K, Surrey

CTV News Star | Sharin K, Surrey

Love today?

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If any one faculty of our nature may be called more wonderful than the rest, I do think it is memory. There seems something more speakingly incomprehensible in the powers, the failures, the inequalities of memory, than in any other of our intelligences. The memory is sometimes so retentive, so serviceable, so obedient; at others, so bewildered and so weak; and at others again, so tyrannic, so beyond control! We are, to be sure, a miracle every way; but our powers of recollecting and of forgetting do seem peculiarly past finding out.
- Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

Love Aaj Kal isn’t an accurate representation of love in today’s age.  It’s still just a hindi movie.  If it was real life, Jai (Saif Ali Khan) would have found another girl and said to himself – “eff Meera (Deepika).  That was the past.  I left her, it couldn’t have been that great anyways.  Life goes on.”  You really think, that he would fly out to India to see a girl who he thinks is married?  He wouldn’t even have attended her wedding in the first place in order to realize she was married.  Would any guy swallow his pride like that?  Would any guy even remember that what he had with that particular girl was special?  Would any guy even realize what special is?  He wouldn’t.. because he would have forgotten.  Even barring the fact that he remembered a few good memories and feelings, he would have said that it was just memories… nothing to build a future on, nothing to make someone stay with somebody.  I used to think Love Aaj Kal was an accurate representation of love today because he chooses career over love, he thinks with his head instead of his heart.  What Deepika in the movie did… letting him go to his dream job, not telling him that she left her husband…that was awesome.  It’s true, if she had told him, he would have come to her, but then his whole life he would have regretted it.  Regretted not going after what he wanted in life.  I agree with the movie on the part that in the end, once his dream was realized, he wouldn’t have found it as great as he once thought.  He would have become depressed and pondered the meaning of life and all that… but I don’t think he would have gone back to Meera.  She was the girl of his dreams, the true love of his life, but he just wouldn’t have.  True love doesn’t prevail, humans are too fickle for that to happen.

I’m not the girl with the nice cheekbones and smile that is calm and sweet and serene and beautiful.  The kind of girl that you can just snap a candid shot of from a beach day together and be proud to put it up in your bedroom in black and white in a silver frame.  I’m not the girl with a bunch of friends that goes out and has a ton of fun and parties like no tomorrow.  The kind of girl that is the center of attention, the life of the party, the girl that gives spontaneous lap dances to her boyfriend while all the other guys think “damn he’s a lucky guy”.  I’m not the girl that has a good head on her shoulders and strives for what she wants in life (horrible, right?).  I’m not the girl who cares about big moments, big moments where you can snap a picture and say “I/we did that” and then only live by those memories. 

I’m not that girl. 

There are lots of girls out there.  I’m not like them.  I’m sorry.

Men and Women

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hahahahhaha love that one it’s hilariousss

quotes

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Men and Women are equal.  You want to know why?  We’re equal because we’re both dumb.  We’re made for each other (um, no offence to Gay’s or Lesbians – love you! - I’m just being general here.. male characteristics and female characteristics shall I say!) and yet we are so incompatible it’s not even funny.

Men are stupid.  Women are crazy.  It’s totally true.  Men run away from problems, they don’t think about all the things that women do, they live life in the moment.  Women can’t live life in the moment because they’re too insecure and too busy worrying about everything and want to keep confronting problems even though doing so won’t make anything any better.  Men are actually little babies that can’t handle the truth, and women are programmed to tell everyone how they feel every second of the day.

You know what, I think that people are silly.  I think that out of a life span of 80 years or more, a couple bad years aren’t so bad if you’re going to have 60+ together and happy.  I would rather be mad at my partner in life for weeks on end than not have a partner in life.  I don’t get divorce or breaking up with someone.  It doesn’t make any sense to me because, the person that you’re breaking up with or divorcing like… you loved that person.  (I’m not talking about when ppl divorce because of like… domestic abuse n things like that I just mean regular “irreconcilable differences”)  I don’t think love goes away.  To me it’s like… whatever problems you’re going to have with one person, you’re going to have that with another anyway in some shape or form, so why not stick it out with the one that you’ve been with for so long and you know and .. love?  Everyone goes through problems.. everyone has ups and downs.  It’s natural to feel confused or to hate someone and to be weak.  The point is to stick things through.  The point is to KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THE PERSON.  N that’s ALL.  As long as you love someone… you can get through anything.  Even financial problems!  The world is a big place.. just dump the shame, the ego, relax and breathe.  Life goes on.  Life is important.  DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.  Trust each other.  Trust yourself, trust your BASIC instincts.

Yes people change, but so what.  The world keeps spinning and at the end of it all, you just have to remember what it was about that person that you loved and hold that and run with it till the finish line.  The prize is worth it.  Fall in love everyday (with the same person).  Stop yelling at each other.  Stop being disappointed.  Stop being insecure.  Stop being paranoid.  For me, everyday is a gift with the people around me.. even if it’s a bad day and I’ve fought and I hate them… at least I have them to yell at and to hate.  I’m just so glad for everyone I have in my life.  I’m so glad for the life that I have.  Just relax, and breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, at the end of the day, it’s all in God’s hands so there’s nothing for me to worry about.  Whatever will happen will happen… but where there’s a will there’s a way.  Goodnite everyone.  I’m totally sleeping pill deprived so forgive me for the rambling nonsensical post.

My bird

I feel so bad for my bird Baby.  He has a problem.. he bites and picks at himself.  I’m the worlds worst mother.  I did this to him.  I feel like I’m murdering an animal.. torturing.  I hope God forgives me although I don’t think He will.  I’m so sorry.  He cries at night because it hurts.  (U)

Birthday Girl

It’s my birthday today!  December 11th 2009.  I’m a Sagitarrius, and a Dragon :) The two best signs I assure you ;)DSCF6583

My mother and I (above) and just me (below)

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Here’s something I read which I thought was quite true to what I am currently feeling:

2009 will be a Number Seven year for you. Ruled by Neptune. This is a year of preparation, chance, and refinement. It is not a time of dramatic changes. Instead, it's a year when reflection on the past is helpful, and when refinements to your life path should be made. It's a good year to study and analyze. Unexpected twists to your life story and "chance" meetings are probable. Advice - take stock of your life in order to prepare for more exciting years to come, examine the past and plan for the future, get in touch with your deepest needs and uncover your personal power, don't strain yourself or actively try to expand.

I don’t feel like this year should be some huge year for me where I go out and achieve a whole bunch of stuff.  This is the year where I want to just relax, take stock of my life as it said above, see what made me the person I am today and like regroup for the next few years.  I want to fix all the things that I should fix.. my diet, my sleeping habits, my room, my skincare regimen and just become the best me that I can.  Ok who am I kidding it’s totally not going to happen.  What a load of nonsense.  LOL haha just rereading that makes me cringe/laugh.  Well the relaxing and thinking part will happen but the fixing part… *-) maybe lol.  So many people have been telling me lately that I have a whole bunch of bad habits that aren’t affecting me right now but will when I’m older that I’m actually getting worried.  The amount of people.. it’s odd.  I didn’t think I was that unhealthy.  No honestly though, I’m at one of the lowest points in my life right now, financially, personally, academically… I’m very, very grateful for a LOT of things in life and the parts that are a low point for me (mostly everything) isn’t anything that can’t be fixed so.. yeah just got to get down to work and it can only go up from here right?  (Touchwood). 

My Wonderful Program At School

In short: An emergency happened which the institution where I am currently taking classes would recognize and accept, yet a class at that very same school is not giving me an option to make up the work that I missed, and on TOP of that they’re going to charge me twice for this class.  Oh, and the icing on the cake if I don’t withdraw from that class (meaning pay for this semester and pay again when I retake it next semester), they won’t let me take any more classes at the institution where I am currently studying. 

Does that make any sense?  According to my friend, unfortunately the world only cares about money.  True that.

My Grandmother

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I really love her so much, and I respect and admire her.  She has quiet strength, and she is undoubtedly the purest, kindest, most good hearted person I know.  She’s simple, she’s pure, she’s patient, loving, caring, and so wise.  Oh and she’s SO CUTE!
As a child and just as a person in general, I’ve always liked and enjoyed hanging out with males (my cousin bro’s in law or my male cousins, nephews, friends), although it’s always my female crew that I have deep conversations with.  It was the same with my Grandfather… he had such a huge personality.. huge (!!) and for me growing up he always overshadowed my love for my grandma (I call her Manji, she is my mother’s mom) and I always enjoyed his attention more.  It’s one of those situations where kids jump for joy when their Dad comes home or enjoys their days out with their fathers because… their mom is always there.  That’s how it was with my Grandmother.. I know she’s always there and so for me growing up she was kind of the second one in their relationship.. she was the one I would go to if I got hurt or sick, but it was my Grandfather that I would sit beside to listen to his stories and hear his voice.
When my Grandfather passed away (wait – side note – my dad’s parents: I never met my grandfather and my grandmother passed away when I was five years old and I loved her v. much as well), I regretted not calling him enough, not spending time with him enough, and till this day I’m not over his death and wish that I could have properly said goodbye to him.  Now that he’s gone, my Grandmother is the only grandparent I have left in this world.  I’ve gotten to know HER more, and paid more attention to her.  I’m not saying I ignored her before or that I didn’t love her before…nothing like that at all… I just loved her like any kid loves her mom.. in the taken for granted kind of way.
I’ve never sent her flowers (but I will change that this coming year!!!!!), I only recently bought her the first present I’ve ever bought her (a shawl!) (to be fair I was a kid most of the time and since 2000 I’ve only seen her…this year – 2009 because I went to Singapore twice this year!).
She was born in India but moved to Singapore (which was known as Malaysia at the time – it was before it’s independence) when she was around 2-3 years old.  She married my Grandfather and had 6 kids; two boys and four girls (one of my aunts is missing in the picture below).  She now has 11 grandchildren and I am her fourth oldest grandchild.
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Bapuji (my grandfather) was a pretty strict, tough guy when he was younger although by the time I rolled along he was chilled out and jolly for the most part but I could still see and hear the fierceness.  He had that quality about him.  Manji was a sharp contrast.  I heard she could be fairly strict herself, but to me she was always the water to his fire..essential, yet not loud and crackling.  Manji taught her children (well my mom – the oldest child for sure) how to speak English (they spoke Punjabi when they were little and did go to English speaking schools when they were older).  The best part is?  My grandma didn’t even know English!!!  My mom used to think that my grandma knew English but didn’t realize that actually my grandmother would get her English speaking neighbour to teach her the words in an English book and then my grandma would memorize it and teach it to her kids.  My mom guys never knew that Grandma actually didn’t know how to read it herself.  In the end that is how my Grandmother learnt an entire language, through memorization and being able to pick it up fast.  That’s pretty cool.
Manji I don’t think has ever used makeup, maybe on her wedding day but there are no photos of the event, she’s never used a hair product before (her black hair at age 70 something is all natural!) and so I always feel super weird when I’m all glossed out and flat ironed in front of her especially because for most of my life that she saw I was makeup less with a curly mop of hair, or with it in a braid.  She prefers to keep things simple and that’s why she is so inspiring to me.  She loves God, she loves her family, she doesn’t gossip or trouble anyone… she’s just amazing. 
When I went back to Singapore she told me that I have to wake up early and make my bed and not talk back to my parents lol :) I wish she stayed here in Canada and then I could get told what to do from her all the time!  As it is I’m totally jealous of my newest cousin because he gets to live with her!  So not fair, I want Manji to sing me songs (He’s 6months old)!.
Alright that’s all for now… if you take anything away from this.. talk to your loved ones, get to know your elders, and spend time with them!  My only grandparent lives across the world from me and I don’t get to see her very often.  Listen to them, listen to their stories, write them down if you get a chance!  There’s a reason why they tell you what they do, they’ve been through a lot and you should appreciate what you have.
******* ADDED NOVEMBER 26TH 2010******
Hey everyone who is reading this.  On November 18th 2009 I found out my grandmother had lung cancer.  She has never smoked a cigarette (duh if you read the blog you should know this but just had to mention it) or anything like that, these things just happen I guess.  She is still bravely battling it and all we can ask for at this point is to pray for her to not feel any pain and to be with family in her times of need.  I would love to be with her more than anything at this time and hope I can make it out there...  Thank you for all who read this, it makes me feel nice.  I’m sorry for my crap writing in the blog I’m sure there are tons of grammatical errors…I just felt like I needed to confess that in case people think I’m some awesome person, I’m not (just in case you thought that… now you’re sitting there thinking psh why does this girl think anyone would think that?!).  I could have shown my love for her more and I haven’t so yeah I’m not like some amazing grandaughter.

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