Surprise!  A hip hop song degrades women.  This time it's not in the overtly sexual way where you see it "in your face" with women in thongs draped over a man in a club wearing sunglasses or women washing a car with close up shots of soapy water running down her chest.  This time it's by your super sensitive BWOI Drake.  This time it's barely noticeable and that is what the problem is.

Drake's song is addicting, Drake is lovable, you find yourself humming the tune and just repeating his lines over and over again "Girl you got me down, you got me stressed out/Cause ever since I left the city, you/Started wearing less and goin’ out more" but really the songs lyrics are...terrible.  I actually can't believe that someone so influential and so popular sings stuff like this, "Used to always stay at home, be a good girl." I'm sorry, what?  If I were to watch a Hollywood movie or even a Bollywood movie where someone says something like this I know that people would be offended.  So why does no one care when Drake says it?

Mostly I think it is that people don't realize when something is demeaning to women.  The western world and especially in pop culture have become a lot more judgmental towards women, they demonize and dehumanize women in pop culture who sing about their ex boyfriends (Taylor) or who wear skimpy clothes (Miley).  Females in the media and in music are never looked at as women who are in charge of their image, sexuality or life choices and are almost always made out to be victims, harlots, and etc.  Even Beyonce these days can't get away from being victimized; "Jay Z cheated on Beyonce with Rihanna, Beyonce photoshops herself, Beyonce is in a loveless marriage".  So far the only person I can think of who isn't portrayed as such is Adele and that's because "she's a good girl".

I'm not going to just flat out say that Drake is a misogynist like most people because I don't think that he is.  I think that this is just culture now.  He doesn't realize what he's saying (maybe) and those listening to his music do not think anything he is saying is out of the ordinary. This is very, very unfortunate.  If a man in the Middle East said his daughter shouldn't be going out and shouldn't be wearing revealing clothes everyone in America would be like WHAT A BACKWARDS INDIVIDUAL boy am I glad to live in America.  As soon as Drake says the same thing it's suddenly a hit song.

In the 50's you had the stereotypical male/female dynamic where the woman was a perfect house wife and the man went out to get the bacon.  At that point if you were trying to work as a female you would be looked down upon by society for shirking her womanly responsibilities of keeping home.  She would likely be accused of not being a good mother or wife.  In the 60's more women were entering the workforce and there were discussions and campaigns for equal pay. In the 70's you saw a huge shift in terms of cultural equality where women were not as judged for being in open, consensual relationships or making their own choices in their personal life or studies.  There was thought into what women were doing and more friendship between the sexes.  In the 80's women were very focused on gender equality and showcasing the power that they had while retaining their femininity, something that was evident in female fashion of that decade.  There were kick ass girls to look at in the 80's.  Madonna for example was revolutionizing females in mainstream pop culture and Oprah Winfrey was doing her thing on TV.

In the 90's and early 2000's I think gender equality took a little bit of a back seat.  The world was changing so rapidly and opening so much globally that men and women were a little overwhelmed.  People seemed to just be trying to make something of themselves in the world.  Standard family units were a thing of the past with many marriages ending in divorce in America and battling to be happy was a primary focus.

Now what?  (Oh you're still reading, THANKS).  Well, now, I feel that people have just lost the topic all together.  Women no longer stand together, they're more likely to pull each other down either by commenting on someone's Instagram post or trying to BE the perfect women or berating THEMSELVES for not being the perfect women.

I am very, very against those who pretend to be the perfect woman. What they're doing is even more dangerous than any gender inequality issue of the past.  In the past women used to talk about how they were struggling to have it all, struggling to balance work and their home life.  There was a discussion and an understanding that it was a struggle and difficult to balance things.  Now, some women are saying that they CAN have it all.  This is BAD.

The "perfect" women is everywhere.  She's having a natural birth and then losing it instantly simply by breastfeeding and "running after their toddler".  The perfect woman is a CEO of a company, just had birth and did not take her maternity leave.   Yahoo's CEO stated that "since her pregnancy was healthy and uncomplicated" she was only going to take 2 weeks of maternity leave and that she was going to work throughout. This implies that unless you have a complicated pregnancy and need the rest you shouldn't be taking it.  You should be working.  What about bonding with your child or breast feeding when your baby is hungry every hour?  Sure she's a CEO and can probably afford to leave the office when she needs to, but other women can't.  There are only so many female CEO's in the first place, I would have really appreciated it if she set a better, more realistic and achievable standard for other women.  For women who have C-sections it takes 4 weeks or longer to recover.  The fact that I'm even giving reasons as to why a women should be able to take her full maternity leave is wrong.  It should be our right.  Someone so influential should not be setting such a horrible precedent for the rest of women in the workforce.

So if you aren't berating yourself for not being perfect, or on the flip side telling women that they "can have it all" by being the perfect businesswoman and then coming home to cook for their husband and bring their straight A students to their violin class - you might be the woman who think that by staying home and being a good girl you will get the perfect husband who will treat you like the "Queen" you deserve to be treated as.

You see all these Memes, Tumblr blogs and Instagram posts that really just pollute your mind and perpetuate that "good" women get "kings" and "good" women aren't like the other vile type of women that are "side hoes".  I just don't get this type of logic.  I also don't get people who put up quotes like this.  Stop perpetuating this "Drake" culture and mentality that women who stay in and cover up are good clothes and "wifey" material.  You can be wifey material in a bikini or if you go out and have fun with your friends.  You can be and do anything you want to be.  It's not fair that men go out with women and then damn those same women for going out with them.  Don't condone this behaviour.

It's time to have this discussion again about how difficult it is to be a woman.  To realize that we bear responsibility to raise our voices when a millionaire rap star tells us to stay at home and be a good girl, that we bear responsibility to bond together and to discuss issues like how a woman should not have to go in to work after she has birth.  To not be influenced by social media or the media in general who tells us that our only values are our bodies and that it's expected that one should look perfect all the time and lose weight immediately after having a baby.  We should think about what we like on Instagram when you see someone post about how it's a man's job to respect a woman but a woman's job to give him something to respect.  No! It's a human being's job to respect another human being and treat them with dignity.  Speak up!  The next time you hear someone hum a song with a bad lyric ask them, "what do you think about this lyric"?  Strike up a dialogue and a conversation.  The worst thing is complete apathy and ignorance to a situation.

I want people to at least understand what they're listening to, and then if they choose to be hypnotized by Drake's eyes and melody they're free to do so!

Hi!

It's me!  Sharin, Sharin Saxena, Miss Saxena, Queen Sharin, whatever you know me as.

Yes, I'm still alive.  I'm... enjoying my life.  For now!  I think it's been hard to write in this blog because I've begun censoring myself.  I can't write about topic A because I don't know everything about it, I can't write about feminism because I do things that "oppose" that theory, I can't write about my opinions on things because someone will say something or because in 1 year I might not feel that way.

But, so what!  Nothing!  Who cares?!  It's not only that... everything is just so public nowadays.  I don't know if I want my thoughts and opinions and girlish dreams or problems (and now I would say womanly problems) to be out in the world.

I think that before I wrote this blog from the third person perspective of "a young girl living in this world trying to do her own thing" and that's not really me anymore.  I feel wiser, I still make bad decisions in life but I'm doing it with my eyes wide open.  I think that a lot that is happening in my life is private.  I can't share it, I won't share it, I don't want other people to know how I think or what I do or what I feel anymore.

I can't decide if this means that I'm freeing myself or trapping myself.  Was writing my thoughts and random opinions on this blog freeing?  Or is being private and having my thoughts to myself freeing?

I guess the main point is I won't write on here unless I'm being authentic and lately it hasn't felt very authentic. 

http://youtu.be/HakwRDxitvo

Dude.  Jenna Marbles is so freaking funny.  I just dig this type of humour.  She keeps it real, she doesn't care to act girly (although she is but she doesn't put up any pretences), act pretty, appeal to men, be fake nice, she's not careful with her words, she's not trying to win any popularity contests, she's not trying to be perceived as anything, she swears, she's not politically correct - she doesn't mince her words.  SHE'S FREE, she's HER, she's NORMAL and is just.. freaking funny!

I remember watching one of her videos a long time ago - when she was not a famous YouTuber yet but her video "How To Trick People Into Thinking You're Good Looking" went VIRAL.  She now has 14 million (yea, 14 MILLION PEOPLE) subscribers.  That's amazing.

Anyway, just had to share.  This type of comedy where someone is just - semi ranting (most of my blogs I realize are just me ranting) but in a hilarious way - is totally my type of comedy.  Jenna, thank you for keeping it real.

(Also - if you watch her "How To Trick People Into Thinking You're Rich" you'll realize she is basically describing every Asian male/female in BC).

You've heard or know of her.  The "no worries girl" the "chill girl" the "guys love to hang out with her" girl.  The guys think she's different from their gf's girl (HA!), chill and opposite from their (supposedly) "psycho" girlfriends.





















What people don't realize is that often, she's probably just chill because she WAS one of the most psycho girls of all time.  I mean psycho in the best way, obviously. #girlsgirl

She probably learnt a lot from her experience and changed but these supposed "psycho" tendencies still likely exist.

Essentially I think a "chill" girl want's to be cool and awesome and relaxed but sacrifices their actual wants or needs in the process of looking "cool" to the guys.

Part of a Chill Girls' verbal repertoire;
- She (other girl) needs to calm the f*ck down
- It's chill
- it's ok!
- K!
- no worries!
- sounds good!
- yea!
- that's hilarious!
- omg, really lol
- Nice!
- For sure!
- Not much, just busy working
- Aw, no worries!
- I'm not a phone person

And my favourite:
- You're so funny!

Someone who says "I don't care about flowers, there are other things a guy can do to show a girl he cares".  "Valentine's Day is just a commercial holiday" blah blah blah.  Likely a chill girl.  She probably DOES feel those things - but usually guys are too dumb to get that means she wants those things + more.  So she's actually worse (in the sense of less easily accepting) than a normal girl.  A normal girl would be happy with flowers!  A normal girl would Instagram that ish and hashtag it #bestbf.  A "chill" girl  - that means she thinks that's the least you can do - she wants you to do more + she still likes flowers.

The Valentine's Day comment -  you better be upping your game every other day.  Birthdays and holidays?  She probably thinks they are the most important things in the world, but she won't let you know.  These sentences often get people confused and they think you're a "chill" girl, but suddenly a chill girl is left with even less than what she expected.

To be honest - I personally have never been the kind of girl who has said that she hates V day or etc, those are just common examples that I'm using.  I think anyone that knows me knows how much I love flowers, chocolates, teddy bears, special holidays (especially Halloween, NYE and Valentine's Day).  So yea.  Just saying - not everything in this blog (as usual) is a direct representation of my personal self.

Spilling the beans - - - A chill girl is someone who plays the "I give less of a shit" than you do card, always.  She's not actually chill and yes, she does give a shit.

Why doesn't she just tell you what she wants?  Not sure.

"Chill" girl Example:
1. Guy to "Chill" girl: "Heyy stranger it's been a while!" - Chill Girl in her head: "so summer is over, you've been binge drinking every weekend and now that it's Fall you're like oh shit I should text that girl that I met."  What is said in reality: "heyy it has been! :) how are you?".

Why so fake?  Honestly, it's because a "Chill" Girl can't be bothered, and that's the problem! she sees it all,  gets it all but can't freaking be bothered to call someone out on on their shit or to feel or care enough to say something.  Like why should I?  Who are you to me?  Why should I call you out on your shit?

Personally, the more things that happen, the less I care, but I don't care enough in the first place to have said something.  Or maybe it's expect enough to say something.  I just take note of it in my head and that's it.

Personally speaking - it's obviously not good for me to pretend to be ok with things if I'm not.  It's not that I accept things IN MY LIFE that I'm not ok with (in my life if I'm p.o'd at someone's behaviour they will know *cue threatening music*).  It's that these things that are happening are not yet (technically) a part of my life - they are happening with people who I'm still debating about including in my life.  So I still have the choice to accept this as my life or not.  Since I still have a choice, it makes no sense for me to be like "hey that thing you did sucks" when I can easily just walk away from the person who was displaying sucky behaviour.

I'm usually happy and ok on my own.  So then when I try and let other people into my life and they inevitably are idiots I'm not going to get mad or take it offensively.  Maybe I was expecting it or maybe I was relieved when they prove that their company is in fact not worth the peace of my solitude.  Maybe I just expect people to fail, maybe I want more and can't admit it.  Maybe I think if I say something I'll scare them away - like me in my blogs.  I'm obviously a very opinionated, weird and analytical person.

I want to meet a normal person, not someone who I have to "manage" or scold or put in their place or act upset with in order for them to finally get or understand what I want.  I want them to be an adult.

I definitely see people being unsatisfied with their boyfriends, the guys are always "in trouble" or put down or making jokes about how demanding their girlfriends are (while obviously loving it).

The dangerous aspect of a "Chill" girl is if she's being chill to appear as being cooler than she is.  I think that's the aspect a lot of "Chill" girls have where they feel like they can't freak out or they can't expect stuff and they'd rather pretend to be a cool girl than demand what they want or expect.  But yes, girls that are "Chill girls" and are pretending to have beer versus a martini because they think it makes them more relatable or saying no worries when their boyfriend cancels on a date to hang out with friends - that's the dangerous chill girl behaviour that needs to be nipped in the bud.

If you ARE in a relationship and you HAVE expectations, I think it is important to be honest with the other person AND YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So if you WANT flowers and a nice date on Valentine's day and you haven't gotten those random bouquet of flowers you want, I'd mention it in a normal way.  People aren't mind readers after all.  If you AREN'T getting what you want out of a relationship then you need to be honest with yourself, and with your partner. 

Mallika Sherawat.  The whole thing - especially 3:50 ONWARDS.  She's first and foremost - a Bollywood actress and not a "popular" one  - thus automatically "not respected" as a woman, not to mention she's one of the first actresses in Bollywood to have kissed on screen.  Her first movie required her to kiss more than 10 times in a Bollywood movie - breaking for sure some sort of record.

People dismiss beautiful women so easily, not to mention ones that initially displayed their sex appeal as one of their plus points.  It makes me inherently sad to have people judge others' intelligence based on their beauty or sex appeal.

Mallika is a rare breed - especially for "Indian" culture.  Independent, presumably sexual - at least comfortable with portraying sensuousness on screen, and has acted in international films opposite Jackie Chan and in other regional films besides Indian cinema.  She came under fire a while ago due to her comments on women in India.

Note that this was at a time that "India's daughter" Jyoti Singh who made International headlines and was treated in Singapore was brutally murdered.  Jyoti was raped and ultimately died due to her injuries.  Jyoti was raped,   by a metal rod, desecrated, and horrifyingly more.

When Mallika came back to India and was questioned by a journalist she for once in an actresses; life actually had facts to back up her statement, did not try to be politically correct, had 100% the truth in terms of what she originally said and why she said what she did. In short - she was smart, intelligent, spoke beautiful hindi and this is one of the truest and most intelligent things I've heard from this industry.

Said with PASSION, strength, etc.  I cried re-watching this as I have many times before (I'm obviously still tearing up.)

Lines: "Aur aurothon ki tarah main bhi chup reh-jaon? (...)  1000 men to 700 women, Khok mein hi marh dehtey hain, aur is desh mein Devi ki pooja ki jathi hain aur female bachey ko khok mein mardetein hain.'


It's actresses like Mallika who 1st of all SPEAK THE PRIMARY LANGUAGE OF HER COUNTRY who can make a change in society in India.  Women, especially those pursuing a career in one of the most sexualized acting industries in the world often don't speak out for fear of a backlash.  I'm still in tears copying what she said in my head.  Moving.

 Reasons why I love Booty by J.LO's Booty song












J.Lo'a ass is amazing.  Jennifer Lopez since the day she's been introduced to the world has always been one of the finest things to walk this Earth.  Her Versace dress moment is STILL the most iconic fashion moment I've ever witnessed.



















Jennifer Lopez is and forever will be hot and a superstar.  She changed the game.  She was a 5 ft something Latina goddess in an era where super tall skinny blondes were popular, she could dance, she could sing, she was a business woman, and she's now worth over 300 million dollars.  In short, she is the bomb.com.












Check out that muscle.  DAYUM!!!!!!!

So I basically disagree. ^^ I think that time when your day is over and you're all alone, you can doubt yourself or your decisions, think about the worst things, etc etc hence why there are images like the one above.  The funny thing is that while I may question myself or question life or whatever around this time - I also feel really amazing and positive despite whatever I may be thinking.  I just have this weird little thing inside me - like an inner child or inner being that like has my back and is confident.  So basically, I don't agree with the above picture because - I tell myself bad things and great things at 3am in the morning lol. 

A lot of my blogs are posted around this time.  I do think a lot and over analyze things and write about random, weird things.  The things that I write about are NOT ALWAYS ABOUT ME - sometimes I'm writing "as a young woman" and not "as Sharin" if that makes sense.

I may question life or question myself or just generally seem a little too introspective or *whispers* melodramatic.  So while I may write a lot of nonsense some times on this blog, and/or seem kind of emo sometimes, there are somethings that I really want to convey:

1. I am happy
2. My goal in life has always and will always be to be happy
3. I believe I can always be happier, hence the pursuit
4. I want to travel more, learn more and experience more. MOAAARRR
5. I like to share and document my life/thoughts/feelings and be true to who I am, people may not always understand that or understand what I'm saying, and that's ok.
6. I am the hardest on myself so while I may complain about myself or feel I'm lacking something sometimes, I'm also my own biggest fan and think I'm basically fantastically awesome.  You know when you air write something?  I usually air write (or if I'm writing something in a blank notebook) I write - I am the best person in the whole wide world.  I've been doing that since computers only had 500mb of storage (true story).  Obnoxious, I know, but I am to myself (other than obviously my mom my brother my family etc), and I think everyone should be friends with themselves and have a dialog with themselves and look in the mirror and just be like waddup lol.   “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

So, I always take really small bites of my food.  I eat A LOT (as you can obviously tell) but for example if it's a french fry, a chip, a candy - I'll bite into it rather than popping the whole thing in my mouth (that's not what she/he said you sicko).  It might take me 3 bites to eat a potato chip and definitely two for a french fry!

So anyway, my boss was like heyy I have gummies at my desk if anyone wants some "they're fresh and jiggly".  I'm like SOLD!  Fresh and jiggly gummies?! I am so in! lol.. So I trot on over I'm like heck yeah hand me some gummies.  I took a few gummy bears (are they not the best things in the world??!) and a fuzzy peach.

Half an hour later he comes by to ask if I want any more and sees a half bitten Fuzzy Peach on my desk.  He was like "Who IN THE WORLD bites into a Fuzzy Peach and eats half of it??" and then everyone analyzed my half bitten fuzzy peach.  I was so embarrassed but laughing my head off... I dunno!  Am I weird?!  Does anyone else take small bites out of bite sized food?

I definitely have eating problems in general though - I think one of my first posts was about my eating habits  and omg I cringe now reading the stats in that... fml.. ANYWAY ...my question was, how do you eat lol?

I know most people my age are health crazed during the week.. during school/work and then the weekend or holidays or summer (or life, weddings etc) hit and all that goes out the window.  Is that true for you too or are you really disciplined?  Do you eat gummy bears by biting the head off first?

Do you eat potato chips in one bite?

Serious questions yo.  I want to know.  

Sometimes, I think - what if I have everything all wrong in terms of my life (!!!!) -  what if I'm just f*cking up and actually just making the worst decisions for my life and future??!

I watched this movie today with my dad and we were just mesmerized.  A little background info on my father - he fell asleep before Mufasa died in The Lion King (which is basically the beginning of The Lion King) and usually falls asleep within 40 min of a Hindi movie.  So yes, it's a little rare for him and I to actually watch a movie until midnight with him wide awake and engrossed in the tale!

It's rare these days for a movie to truly bring me into it's world, where I feel like I'm actually watching a story unfold,  not just smirking/scoffing/blindly being entertained by song, dance, flashy costumes and toned limbs.  I'm a Bollywood fan through and through and I'm often inspired by the glitz and glamour but sometimes you just need to sink your teeth into something more than that.

This movie was amazing.  I'm not saying it's perfect, but... it's very, very close, as close as you're going to get when telling this story unless you're going to do a 3+hour film.  Alia Bhatt's performance was incredible - one of the best performances I've seen, I can't imagine anyone else being in this role.  Randeep Hooda was unrecognizable he was so the character.

I'm just in love with this movie.  Everything, the shots, the acting, the silence in this movie is so beautiful.  AHH. Love love lovee.  I was so intrigued by this film when the trailer first came out and knowing it was an Imtiaz Ali film with AR Rahman doing the music I was like for sure I'm going to watch this right away, kicking myself now that this never happened.

I think, the first thing that got me hooked in this movie (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) is the vividness with which Imtiaz Ali (the director) depicts Veera's (Alia's character) abduction.

I was so tense, I was cringing, my heart was racing, I really felt it.  Watching them shove the cloth down her throat, seeing her screams, her cry, her vacant expression as she resigns to her fate.. it was painful.  Obviously as a woman, I just feel this more than a male would.  You can't help but view it as real.  When one of the abductors tries to take advantage of her, the whole sequence just made me so tense.

Her innocence, her joie de vivre, her confidence, her pain, it was beautiful.  It's something I think I'm missing, I don't think I can ever look like that, I don't think a lot of people can look like that anymore.  She has something special - her innocent look is really unique.  I think the background that was written for the two characters and the way they shared it was perfect, it made the story what it was.

Anytime I feel like I can analyze something in my head, anytime cinema makes me think/feel, absorbs me into it's world... I'm the happiest person alive.  Art makes you feel something, and this movie made me feel.  Definitely going to sleep satisfied today.



Oh also - just love the fact that there's a mainstream movie that became a hit that literally just tells a story.  There's no objectification, there's no glamour, there's no item song.  It's a story about a girl and a guy, they look dirty for most of the film, they wear the same clothes, it's just pure.  I love that.

I actually just watched 2 States yesterday (my dad didn't watch the whole thing "slow moving" he said and left) and today when I put Highway in my dad was like Alia Bhatt again?? At the end of this movie he said "Now I like Alia Bhatt more, she did a good job, no joke", which essentially is like the highest compliment ever lol.

I need to explain, I heard so much about how Beyonce slayed everyone and I was really expecting this epic, life changing performance and then felt completely let down when I watched it.  I liked her SuperBowl performance way better.

That being said, a lot of what I said yesterday needs to be put in perspective.  Beyonce is HUGE, she's a huge role model for women, she is a huge artist, complete superstar and a woman that has always been so fiercely real, so empowered, so womanly and always evolving as an artist.  That means that sometimes, I have too high of an expectation from her (as women always do of each other I can't decide if that's a good thing or bad), she's the only female artist I have an expectation of.  No one else.

SO, while I was feeling really annoyed by her dancers and a lot of the elements I said yesterday, that's not to say that I didn't like stuff.  I realized that to people who don't know how I feel about Beyonce it could come across as too nit picky and too hateful.  I give her all of the props for what she's done to empower women and what she is as a performer and as an artist.

I think a reason that people feel so strongly about her performances is because here you have a woman who is completely in tune with her sexuality, and this sexuality is being displayed in such an in your face manner that you can either take it as 1) she's sexualizing herself and that's negative because she out of all artists doesn't need to do this or 2.) she's not letting people put her in a box, you don't have to be ashamed of your sexual side, she's free, she's empowered.

About her performance at the VMA's - I felt enough to want to write something about it, speak something of her performance and that is what an artist does - they make you feel something.  She is a complete artist and what she does is commendable and she deserves respect.  I think for me lines just get blurred as to - what is she doing for the shock value/money and what is she doing for herself.  Like how much of what she is doing because it's what sells.

Moving past that, I think what is absolutely amazing is that she brought the F word back.  The dreaded F word that females these days seem to want to avoid being called "Feminism".  Words are powerful and just having that in the background makes you think about it.

When you have women like Nicki Minaj do the complete opposite of what Beyonce does on the regs, and on the same stage it's harder to really "get" what B is doing and what B is trying to say because it sort of looks the same.... but it's very, very different.