C'est La Vie

There you go :)  Glad you know how to break up with someone now, use any of the above options, have a nice day!

Hehe ok so I’m not a relationship queen or anything like that (FAR, FAR from it) but here are some rules on how to break up with someone.  It’s largely derived from a Psychology Today article by Elizabeth Svoboda called “The Thoroughly Modern Guide To Breakups” found in the Feb 2011 issue.  I really liked it, possibly should also have taken it’s advice and I haven’t really, but if sharing it helps one other  person than my job here is done.  Short of someone dying, breaking up with someone and being broken up with is the hardest thing one ever has to endure.  Hopefully this makes things a little easier.

• RULE #1 – YOU BREAK UP WITH YOUR PARTNER NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. 

Do not be so horrible that you force them into breaking up with you.  It’s YOUR feelings that have changed, it’s YOUR life that you want to go in a different direction from what it’s going in and it’s you who wants a break up so don’t be a jerk, don’t be an asshole, and don’t all of a sudden avoid their phone calls, spend an insane amount of time with your friends, give one word answers, etc in an effort to make them break up with you.  Honestly, all you are doing is making them question themselves.  You’re making them overlook what their own basic instincts were telling them about your relationship; they can’t trust how they felt about you, they can’t trust what they saw or heard or felt in your relationship.  If you make them break up with you, you ARE crippling them for any future relationship.  They will not be able to trust anyone because they have no idea what went wrong, therefore the only thing they can think of is that THEY are wrong.  You’ve made them blame themselves.

• Rule #2 – Do not break up via email, text, Twitter, Facebook etc.  Face to Face baby.

We were not born to communicate via text or email.  It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it.  It could be the look in your eyes saying “hey you still care about them it just didn’t work out” or the tone in your voice saying you mean this… just the fact that you are there face to face shows that you were worth that much.  You cannot properly communicate through a 20 second delay through text message.  I for one cannot have a serious conversation through text let alone breaking up with someone!  I need to see their face, hear their tone, and perhaps lighten the mood with a look or a smile.  Having a face to face conversation ensures closure.  Trust me when you look back on the moment ten years later you will be happy that you met face to face.

• Rule #3 - Be nice, and be honest.

You’re already breaking up with them, there is no reason to hurl insults.  You should have done that before the breakup lol so they at least knew what was wrong and how you felt.  At this point, you’re just sealing the deal, there is no reason to argue, no reason to say “You’re a ****** of **** you dirty ****”.  It’s not going to solve anything, it’s not worth it.  Do be honest, if you’re just not in love with them anymore, say it, but there’s no reason to get nasty and talk about how you faked every orgasm or how you hate his mother.  It’s your job at this point to keep them going and keep their self esteem up – you don’t want them to think they are a horrible person because they weren’t, you just weren’t right for each other.  There is no reason to cut them down. 

• Rule #4 – It’s not You its Me.  Avoid saying this.

Pretty self explanatory.  Saying something like this is usually false, it doesn’t sound sincere and the person you’re breaking up with deserves an explanation, ANY explanation.  They deserve a true explanation not some generic line.  If you can’t think of an explanation maybe you shouldn’t initiate a break up because you’re obviously  clueless and confused.  Figure your ish out first before you break up with someone.  You need to be clear on your reasons.  Avoid a point by point breakdown however because you don’t want your partner to be like: “no that’s not what happened”, “it was actually your fault we lost our dog”, etc.  It’s not about minor details at this point so there’s no reason to go into a case by case breakdown.

• Rule #5 – Do not suggest being friends after.

At this point it’s just not a good idea.  You should move on first, then if you can be friends in the future that’s fine but your first step should be moving on completely.  Otherwise your partner may just remain in limbo.  That doesn’t mean you should ignore your partner afterwards, it just means it’s probably best to not have a friendly dinner date just yet.

• Rule #6 – Express yourself

If you want to text the person you just broke up with and say it sucks that the future we talked about just didn’t happen, I’m sorry, I wanted it to work out but this is for the best and this is what I want – SAY IT.  There is nothing wrong in letting them know that you are upset with how things ended.  A break up is usually something no one walks into a relationship thinking they will do.  Both parties are injured.  Let the person you broke up with know that you feel pain as well.  Just make sure that you don’t give them the impression that you made a mistake in breaking up; end each communication with something along the lines of “this is for the best”, “this is what I want”, etc.

• Rule #7 - Do not beg.  Do not protest.

O gosh.  If you’re being dumped, you’re being dumped.  Nothing you say or do will change their mind.  It’s better to just leave when someone wants to leave you.  You don’t want to change their mind!  Trust me.  Just accept it.  Dumpees for the love of God follow this rule for any future break up.

• Rule #8 – Say No to Revenge

Just move on!  Stop making them the center of your world by plotting ways to kill them, kill their new gf, destroy their relationship with their family etc.  It’s not worth your sanity.

• Rule #9 – Feel the Pain

Be honest with yourself.  It’s ok to be in unbelievable pain, you don’t have to pretend that everything is ok.  Don’t numb it down by drinking and going out every night, having meaningless sex, or travelling the world (aka running away).  Eventually you have to come home and it’s better to feel the pain now rather than later.

• Rule #10 – Love again

You’ll find someone else!  Believe that.