C'est La Vie

Destiny Child’s hit single..Say my name.  What’s in a name???????  Saying someone’s name when you are greeting the person, is normal.  Saying someone’s name while you are in conversation with them, or after you’ve already said your greetings, is a sign of intimacy.  Saying a shortened version of that person’s name or a special version, is an even greater sign of intimacy.  If you say “Hey Sharin how’s it going?”, that’s normal.  If in conversation you say, “Sharin.. I don’t know.. I’m just… I’m not really sure what to do Sharin… I need some help deciding”.. it’s not REALLYYY normal.  Normal would be “I’m not really sure what to do man/yo/dude” or “Hey.. I’m not really sure what to do.”.  Saying “Shar.. I don’t know.. I’m just… I’m not really sure what to do Shar?”etc etc IS EVEN MORE INTIMATE.  I’m not crazy!  It’s true. 

N what if you’re having physical relations with someone????  The only reason someone would say your name in the middle of a physical moment if they normally DON’T do that is because: a.) they’re reminding themselves who they’re with and quite possibly but not necessarily relishing the difference OR b.) they’re trying to get into it because they’re not.  Into it, that is.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  Trust me.

It’s true…saying someone’s name other than in your initial greeting is a sign of intimacy … so much so that it is often used in sales tactics for that particular reason.  It’s a sign of closeness, friendship, and just by saying it, it forms a bond with that person.  Who knew a name was so personal?.. yes it’s your name but it’s meant for other people to use right???  I don’t know, I just feel weird when people know my name or speak it when they don’t really know me and just see it on a nametag.  What’s in a name?  A name.. or how someone says it, can tell you a lot.  If someone uses a person’s name more in conversation say or to call them or to tell them something (other than when they used it in the initial contact) rather than saying a generic term like “hey” “yo” or just avoiding using a noun… I duno it’s weird.

Long story short.. if you don’t know me well.. don’t keep dropping my name in conversation unless you think I’m into you… you’ll freak me out.  N if you want to hide intimacy with someone.. refrain from saying their name, especially a mod vers.  Ppl notice.  If you want to enforce a bond and strengthen it… say it like she’s Beyonce singing the instructions to you… say her goddamn name!

CTV News Star | Sharin K, Surrey

If any one faculty of our nature may be called more wonderful than the rest, I do think it is memory. There seems something more speakingly incomprehensible in the powers, the failures, the inequalities of memory, than in any other of our intelligences. The memory is sometimes so retentive, so serviceable, so obedient; at others, so bewildered and so weak; and at others again, so tyrannic, so beyond control! We are, to be sure, a miracle every way; but our powers of recollecting and of forgetting do seem peculiarly past finding out.
- Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

Love Aaj Kal isn’t an accurate representation of love in today’s age.  It’s still just a hindi movie.  If it was real life, Jai (Saif Ali Khan) would have found another girl and said to himself – “eff Meera (Deepika).  That was the past.  I left her, it couldn’t have been that great anyways.  Life goes on.”  You really think, that he would fly out to India to see a girl who he thinks is married?  He wouldn’t even have attended her wedding in the first place in order to realize she was married.  Would any guy swallow his pride like that?  Would any guy even remember that what he had with that particular girl was special?  Would any guy even realize what special is?  He wouldn’t.. because he would have forgotten.  Even barring the fact that he remembered a few good memories and feelings, he would have said that it was just memories… nothing to build a future on, nothing to make someone stay with somebody.  I used to think Love Aaj Kal was an accurate representation of love today because he chooses career over love, he thinks with his head instead of his heart.  What Deepika in the movie did… letting him go to his dream job, not telling him that she left her husband…that was awesome.  It’s true, if she had told him, he would have come to her, but then his whole life he would have regretted it.  Regretted not going after what he wanted in life.  I agree with the movie on the part that in the end, once his dream was realized, he wouldn’t have found it as great as he once thought.  He would have become depressed and pondered the meaning of life and all that… but I don’t think he would have gone back to Meera.  She was the girl of his dreams, the true love of his life, but he just wouldn’t have.  True love doesn’t prevail, humans are too fickle for that to happen.

I’m not the girl with the nice cheekbones and smile that is calm and sweet and serene and beautiful.  The kind of girl that you can just snap a candid shot of from a beach day together and be proud to put it up in your bedroom in black and white in a silver frame.  I’m not the girl with a bunch of friends that goes out and has a ton of fun and parties like no tomorrow.  The kind of girl that is the center of attention, the life of the party, the girl that gives spontaneous lap dances to her boyfriend while all the other guys think “damn he’s a lucky guy”.  I’m not the girl that has a good head on her shoulders and strives for what she wants in life (horrible, right?).  I’m not the girl who cares about big moments, big moments where you can snap a picture and say “I/we did that” and then only live by those memories. 

I’m not that girl. 

There are lots of girls out there.  I’m not like them.  I’m sorry.

hahahahhaha love that one it’s hilariousss

Men and Women are equal.  You want to know why?  We’re equal because we’re both dumb.  We’re made for each other (um, no offence to Gay’s or Lesbians – love you! - I’m just being general here.. male characteristics and female characteristics shall I say!) and yet we are so incompatible it’s not even funny.

Men are stupid.  Women are crazy.  It’s totally true.  Men run away from problems, they don’t think about all the things that women do, they live life in the moment.  Women can’t live life in the moment because they’re too insecure and too busy worrying about everything and want to keep confronting problems even though doing so won’t make anything any better.  Men are actually little babies that can’t handle the truth, and women are programmed to tell everyone how they feel every second of the day.

You know what, I think that people are silly.  I think that out of a life span of 80 years or more, a couple bad years aren’t so bad if you’re going to have 60+ together and happy.  I would rather be mad at my partner in life for weeks on end than not have a partner in life.  I don’t get divorce or breaking up with someone.  It doesn’t make any sense to me because, the person that you’re breaking up with or divorcing like… you loved that person.  (I’m not talking about when ppl divorce because of like… domestic abuse n things like that I just mean regular “irreconcilable differences”)  I don’t think love goes away.  To me it’s like… whatever problems you’re going to have with one person, you’re going to have that with another anyway in some shape or form, so why not stick it out with the one that you’ve been with for so long and you know and .. love?  Everyone goes through problems.. everyone has ups and downs.  It’s natural to feel confused or to hate someone and to be weak.  The point is to stick things through.  The point is to KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THE PERSON.  N that’s ALL.  As long as you love someone… you can get through anything.  Even financial problems!  The world is a big place.. just dump the shame, the ego, relax and breathe.  Life goes on.  Life is important.  DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.  Trust each other.  Trust yourself, trust your BASIC instincts.

Yes people change, but so what.  The world keeps spinning and at the end of it all, you just have to remember what it was about that person that you loved and hold that and run with it till the finish line.  The prize is worth it.  Fall in love everyday (with the same person).  Stop yelling at each other.  Stop being disappointed.  Stop being insecure.  Stop being paranoid.  For me, everyday is a gift with the people around me.. even if it’s a bad day and I’ve fought and I hate them… at least I have them to yell at and to hate.  I’m just so glad for everyone I have in my life.  I’m so glad for the life that I have.  Just relax, and breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, at the end of the day, it’s all in God’s hands so there’s nothing for me to worry about.  Whatever will happen will happen… but where there’s a will there’s a way.  Goodnite everyone.  I’m totally sleeping pill deprived so forgive me for the rambling nonsensical post.

I feel so bad for my bird Baby.  He has a problem.. he bites and picks at himself.  I’m the worlds worst mother.  I did this to him.  I feel like I’m murdering an animal.. torturing.  I hope God forgives me although I don’t think He will.  I’m so sorry.  He cries at night because it hurts.  (U)

It’s my birthday today!  December 11th 2009.  I’m a Sagitarrius, and a Dragon :) The two best signs I assure you ;)

My mother and I (above) and just me (below)

Here’s something I read which I thought was quite true to what I am currently feeling:

I don’t feel like this year should be some huge year for me where I go out and achieve a whole bunch of stuff.  This is the year where I want to just relax, take stock of my life as it said above, see what made me the person I am today and like regroup for the next few years.  I want to fix all the things that I should fix.. my diet, my sleeping habits, my room, my skincare regimen and just become the best me that I can.  Ok who am I kidding it’s totally not going to happen.  What a load of nonsense.  LOL haha just rereading that makes me cringe/laugh.  Well the relaxing and thinking part will happen but the fixing part… *-) maybe lol.  So many people have been telling me lately that I have a whole bunch of bad habits that aren’t affecting me right now but will when I’m older that I’m actually getting worried.  The amount of people.. it’s odd.  I didn’t think I was that unhealthy.  No honestly though, I’m at one of the lowest points in my life right now, financially, personally, academically… I’m very, very grateful for a LOT of things in life and the parts that are a low point for me (mostly everything) isn’t anything that can’t be fixed so.. yeah just got to get down to work and it can only go up from here right?  (Touchwood). 

In short: An emergency happened which the institution where I am currently taking classes would recognize and accept, yet a class at that very same school is not giving me an option to make up the work that I missed, and on TOP of that they’re going to charge me twice for this class.  Oh, and the icing on the cake if I don’t withdraw from that class (meaning pay for this semester and pay again when I retake it next semester), they won’t let me take any more classes at the institution where I am currently studying. 

Does that make any sense?  According to my friend, unfortunately the world only cares about money.  True that.

One moment can change your life forever.  Life is so important, so fragile, so beautiful.  We never live each day to the fullest.. we never properly love the ones that mean the most to us.  Pointless fighting, bickering, not understanding each other.  It sucks that we can never fully understand our loved ones and their desires and hopes but we can try.  As for me…no one will ever understand how I feel right now. 

All I care about right now is my family, my parents, and making things easy for them.  My life right now has to be focused on that.  Nothing else… as much as I may want to travel or have fun or whatever, now is not the time for that.  Maybe when I’m older but right now I just have to focus on school, my family, and being the person they want me to be because I know why they want me to be that person.  Hopefully I have the strength to actually do it.

I just can’t believe everything that has happened.  I feel like such a different person.  I feel like other people are different too.  I’ve been affected by death before but nothing like this.  Hopes, dreams, love, family, innocence…

I look at old photos of my family and I just think wow.  Who knew what life had and has in store for all of us.  The smiles on my sisters’ faces, the innocence we all had breaks my heart.  It’s one reason why I am so attached to my old house.. it’s the house where we all grew up into adults…  My family would never have thought that we would live in Canada, I just never thought our lives would turn out like this, whatever this is.. but I know God has everything written and we may not understand it now but like I’ve said before.. when things don’t go according to our plan, that means that it is going according to God’s plan, and he always knows what to do and we just have to trust that and have faith.

I don’t know who this girl is but I was having a conversation with my friend Terence and I randomly stumbled across this picture (while searching for Marilyn Monroe wallpapers… SIDE NOTE why is that for EVERY Google image search that you do at least ONE picture of the Jonas Brothers pops up?? Even if you search for “Penguin Wallpapers”.  So irritating!).  I thought she was really pretty and sent her picture to my friend.. he said meh and I just thought she’d be a good model to try my hand at some virtual plastic surgery using Photoshop CS4 (I have a trial version you can download it from Adobe’s website.. anyone have a crack for this send it to me!).  Yes I know how to use photoshop (somewhat) and no I do not use it on my own pictures.. unless I’m making my pictures glowy or brighter.. or making me fly over Sleeping Beauty’s castle :)  I totally would use the whole “plastic surgery thing” on my own pictures except for the fact that I look better as I am ;) lol it’s hard to improve perfection you know!

Don’t mind her eyes so much cuz I did this really quickly but yea.. Neway I think she looks cute before n a little plasticky after but I was just like cool I gave her plastic surgery lol so I thought I’d share it with you guys.  What do you think hot before or after?

Doesn’t this make you sick?  It makes me feel all weird inside like.. what is the world coming to because.. yea I’m showing you guys this but.. in the real world if this girl wanted to be like an actress or something.. guaranteed within a few years she would end up looking like the bottom picture!

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=2145149

Read the story.  I can’t begin to tell you how against Khalistan I am.

Alright so I’ve ALWAYS wanted to try out coloured contact lenses… and I never have just because they’re so obviously fake and also because everyone would just be like whoaa who does this chick think she is/she’s obsessed with her appearance.  I mean. .everybody obviously knows that you didn’t just grow a pair of blue eyes overnight.  At the same time, everyone is pretty much obsessed with their appearance or they wouldn’t dye their hair.. do their eyebrows.. put makeup on, etc.  The beauty industry is a billion dollar industry for a reason.

So what do I do?  Do I care about what everyone’s going to say or do I just do what I want?  I mean.. personally… when I see girls wearing contact lenses (coloured ones) all the time I instantly just think “CONTACTS”.  I hate how Indian models and celebrities wear contacts in every single movie, at every single outing, for every single shoot.  It just gets seriously annoying because at that point I look at it as a cultural problem.  It becomes on par with things like skin lightening creams.  There’s clearly a reason why so and so is wearing contacts as if that’s their natural eye colour, you know what I mean.  Maybe for some celebrities like Haifa Wehbe or Celina Jaitley it’s kind of become their “thing” and even though I think they would look better without it, maybe they wouldn’t be as famous if they didn’t have them on.  I don’t know.  In general though, I just don’t like when someone wears contacts all the freaking time.   I think it’s dumb and they should just be happy with their own eye colour.

On the other hand, I personally  look at contact lenses as another accessory/makeup item.  It’s fun for once in a while maybe for a couple hours but not for everyday use.  I’m a really girly girl.. I love makeup (it’s like candy for me) and I don’t think it’s a bad thing to like makeup but I do think it’s a bad thing to pile on makeup 24/7.  You gotta let your natural beauty shine, ESPECIALLY when you’re young because this is when you’re naturally going to be at your most beautiful level.. it’s all downhill from here so why not showcase your natural beauty while you have it!  It’s one thing if you want to dye your hair blonde for a few months even though it’s naturally brown, but I think once you start doing it all the time until people forget you were actually a brunette, that’s wrong (barring waxing/threading/shaving because that’s just NECESSARY lol).  My whole thing is = do what you want, as long as you don’t pretend it’s you/do it all the time.  Wear makeup, dye your hair, get contacts, do whatever.. but don’t let it become you.. just use it as an accessory.  Natural beauty = best.  :)  What do you guys think?

Oh and as for my contact lenses dilemma.. I am  going to try them out.. but like I said not for everyday use because I’m against that :)  I know people will hate because people like to hate but I think it’ll be cool to try em out.. I’ve never worn em before so hopefully they work out alright.  Um the contacts I am probably getting are Waicon Tri-kolor lenses and they’re supposedly really good (Haifa Wehbe uses them) and unfortunately it’s like a yearly pair that imma get so.. either I like em and find places to wear them off and on for a year or it’s going to be a total waste of money lol!