C'est La Vie

Everyone wants to be a winner, but what most people don’t seem to realize is that first you need to be a survivor.  Do you have what it takes to survive?  Can you claw your way back up when you’ve been pushed down farther than you ever thought you could?  Do you have the endurance, the stamina, the wits, the passion for your craft?

I know this much about myself: I may not be the smartest, the prettiest, the funniest, or the sexiest girl, but I am a survivor, I have ambition and I have guts.  I believe that those three things are all that I need.  I don’t know where I’m going, but I know I’m going somewhere.  I think largely the reason why I have this spirit is because of how I was raised.  I was the third child, and I was a girl (third daughter).  I think everyone wanted me to be a boy and as I grew up I wanted to be my father’s son and really admired my father very much and I still do.

He moved his whole family to Canada without even ever seeing this country.  We just packed up our stuff in Singapore and came here.  He didn’t need to come here to check it out first because he knew that no matter where he went, he would be ok and he would be able to provide for his family.  As my father said (in punjabi) that he had his hands and his legs, what more does a man need to survive?  That stuck with me.  Sometimes people look down on immigrants, or they look down on people who don’t have flashy jobs.  My father could have been a businessman, a taxi driver or janitor… I really wouldn’t care because whichever job it is, he’s worked honestly to provide for his family and no matter what has knocked him down or came his way he persevered.  That’s what counts.  Some girls I know are looking for the guy who has it all… I’m looking for the guy who would be ok if he lost it all, who has a fighter’s spirit, who doesn’t need to depend on anyone but himself, someone who is a honest, hard working man.

My father had the guts and the belief in himself to leave his relatives, his friends, leave the country that he was born and raised in to come to a country on the other side of the world so that we could have a better life.

He taught me how to be strong, he has a black belt in Karate and used to train me when I was younger.  We would go to the park by our house and run and I used to have to do push ups if I didn’t speak Punjabi or got my times tables wrong.  He read me stories about the Gurus, about Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji’s travels and teachings and those really stuck with me and it’s why I’m close to my faith.  He taught me not to take shit from anyone, how to fight back.  He also taught me how to have fun, he has a great love for dancing and when he gets on the dance floor he is the center of the party!  He never once made me feel that I was a lesser human being because I was a girl.  He never once has forced me to do anything at all and he never would.  He has said that he would happily continue to support his daughters if we so chose to live at home forever.  He’s allowed me to do the many things that I do.  

Guts, ambition, survival skills.

That’s the kind of father that I have, now would you expect his daughter to be anything less?

I was sitting going through some old pictures when I realized… I have no real idea of who I used to be.  I do not fully remember what I used to be like, or how I used to think when I was younger.  I have no idea who that girl was.  If I met her on the street, her and I would probably have different views on a few different topics.  She’s lost to me forever. 

No, I’m not having a mid mid life crisis, I’m just trying to say that I or you can’t fully get back into the old “you’s” brain and think the way you used to think.  We can never really go back, every moment that happens changes us irrevocably.  I guess I just find it weird that not only do we not truly ever know how someone else feels or think, we don’t even really know ourselves.

Too often we go through life thinking that all we need is ourselves. All we need to do is trust in ourselves.  All we need to do is believe in ourselves.  All we need is to take care of ourselves.  This is all complete bullsh*t. 

The reality check is we need more than just ourselves.  We wouldn’t be alive today without being cared for by other human beings.  We’re nothing without other people, we wouldn’t exist without other people and we shouldn’t forget that fact as we grow older into our teens or early twenties.  “When an infant falls below the threshold of physical affection needed to stimulate the production of growth hormone and the immune system, his body starts shutting down." - - - we literally would die if we weren’t loved.  Maybe you can be conceived in a test tube and in the future from an artificial uterus, but there is no machine that would mimic a human’s love or touch.  Isn’t that strangely comforting?

How do you define yourself?  If I asked you – who are you?  Your response would be???… I am Sarah.  Or Jane or whoever – so by your name, right?  But who calls you by your name?… other people do.  Your own name doesn’t really belong to you does it, it’s just a way for OTHER people to identify you, so it really belongs to them.  Its for them to use.  You don’t write your name down on a piece of paper so that you know who you are, you write it down because someone else gave you that name and you need to identify yourself to whoever you’re handing the paper in to.

How do you know what you were like as a kid?  Because other people told you.  So that means that my first few years don’t belong to me – they belong to my family.  I don’t remember anything at all about who I used to be when I was 2 years old, or 5 years old for the most part.  Knowing that someone else knows something about you that you don’t know is so extremely cool.  Hearing that I used to walk before I crawled or that I used to draw squiggly lines over people’s faces in photo albums or when my sister tells me when we’re shopping for groceries during our trip to Singapore that I used to eat those cookies all the time when I was young makes me smile, and I would never have known those facts about my own self if it wasn’t for my family and people around me.  It’s that question - “if the tree falls in the woods and there was no one there to hear it does it make a sound?”… If I grew up with no one around to tell me who I used to be would I actually exist?  I’m not so sure I would. 

It’s odd to me to know that I don’t even know who I used to be.  It’s one thing to think that way about yourself as a child because no one has memories from when they’re 1 years old… but what about if you couldn’t remember who you were 3 years ago?  What about if you couldn’t remember what you thought like?  What if you couldn’t remember what it was like to feel the emotion that you knew you felt at that point of time?  What if you couldn’t remember what it was like when you fell in love with someone or something like painting or dancing?  How is it that we change so fast?

Is the you that you are now really the same you that you came into the world as?  Scientifically even – no.  You’re not the same you as you were when you were born, and you’re not even the same you that you were 8 years ago or yesterday.  From Stanford’s stem cell bio and regenerative medicine website it states: “Every one of us completely regenerates our own skin every 7 days. A cut heals itself and disappears in a week or two. Every single cell in our skeleton is replaced every 7 years.”

So every single cell in my skeleton has been replaced 3 times now.  That is so freaking weird!  I think for the most part, I exist because I have family, because they’ve told me initially who I was.  I am my father’s daughter, my mother’s daughter, my older sisters youngest sister.  Without people who love me in this world I don’t exist.  The tree wouldn’t make a sound if it fell.

So to all the people who think they’re all cool and thug life and “You’re born alone you die alone”… reality check.  It’s not really true, is it?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_a_tree_falls_in_a_forest

Read that.  Super interesting.

You better believe it!  When you think that you just can’t take it anymore, when everything isn’t going well for you, when you’ve missed the bus, lost your way, lost your job, lost your spouse, lost your bf/gf.. just remember this.  You are braver than you believe.  You are stronger than you seem.  You are smarter than you think.  You are twice as beautiful as you’d ever imagined.

You will survive and you will come out even stronger and more beautiful once you get through it.

I read a lot of magazines and there was this one article in Glamour May 2012’s issue that I thought was really cute.. I’ll proceed to share some of its wisdoms with you (I have altered some of it’s points/put it in my own words).

Ladies.  Never, ever do this in front of a male that you’re into or that’s into you.

See that guy above?  He’s soo into you.  And then you open your big mouth and say this:

1. “I hate my arms”  - whyy do you need to criticize yourself in front of him? DO NOT do that. You are a queen, you’re fabulous and this boy is lucky to have you.  Call your girlfriend up and hit the gym – don’t tell your man you hate your body (unless he’s a guy friend who is giving you fitness advice).
2. “Should I get implants” – YOU have boobs, HE does not.  Size should not and probably does not matter to him and suggesting that kind of suggests that he’s not loving your boobs as much as I’m sure he does.  That’s insulting.
3. “She looks like/is such a slut” – it’s not attractive to see you act like a mean person, just be confident in yourself and don’t waste time making mean comments about other women.  Cattyness is not cute.
4. “I’m sooo wasted” – Just like you are looking for someone who is stable and has their life together, so are men.  Maybe you like to let loose on the weekends…try not to brag about it.
5. “Hold on, lemme Facebook/Tweet this (and then proceed to take self portrait smoochy duck face shots)” – Keep the fb updating/tweeting to a minimum when with said desired man.

I really hope Miranda Kerr is wearing sunscreen! 

There are literally UV rays from everywhere.  It doesn’t matter if you have full sleeves on or if you’re sitting under a giant umbrella.  It doesn’t matter if it’s cloudy, if you’re sitting in your car, if you’re indoors or if you’re on the beach, if it’s winter or summer – you can seriously harm yourself if you do not not protect your skin from UV rays.  Remember, there are UV rays everywhere and they can bounce from the pavement to pretty little you sitting under your umbrella thinking you’re all protected.

Did you know that a two hour shopping spree in a store like Walmart with fluorescent lights everywhere is equivalent to a full hour in the sun?  Sure you won’t get sunburnt but you are still exposed to those UV rays!

Besides CANCER - UV rays and sun damage can also wreak havoc on your skin.  A ten dollar bottle of sunscreen now will save you hundreds in laser treatments later on in life.  I say this because people often don’t care that they could get cancer – they figure meh that will be when I’m old and gray, but I’d rather look tan and hot now!  Aargh.

To be properly covered from the sun you HAVE to cover your skin with enough sun screen (think frosting on a cupcake) and make sure that you REAPPLY every 2-3 hours.  The amount of sunscreen you should be applying (everywhere – including your neck, backs of ears, hands, face etc) is quite simple if you think of yourself as a cake and the sunscreen as frosting - - a nice thick layer of sunscreen.  That does NOT mean a quarter sized amount for one arm.  Don’t cheap out – layer it on.  If you have a moisturizer that has sun screen of SPF 15 that’s great, but still make sure that you wear a sunscreen with a higher spf AS WELL as your moisturizer.

The sun can damage your skin in many ways:

1. Sun spots, freckles and brown spots

2. Uneven skin colour

3. Freckles

4. Age Spots

5. Rosacea

6. Wrinkles

7. Broken capillaries

8. Enlarged pore size

9. Sagging skin

This is not pretty:

Ok dammit it is but this look can be achieved through spray tanning or instant bronzers that are available in cans – not tanning beds.  THIS is not pretty:

Do you really want your boobs and neck to look like this?

Squamous cell carcinoma – a skin cancer:

This is a cutaneous horn.  Yes that’s right, a horn growing out of the side of your friggin face.  It’s not pretty.  It’s not cancer but it can also lead to cancer.

  It’s from a condition called Actinic Keratosis and is most common in people with:

• Fair skin.
• Hair color is naturally blond or red.
• Eyes are naturally blue, green, or hazel.
• Skin freckles or burns when in the sun. 

Lifted straight off a website:

What causes AKs?

Ultraviolet (UV) rays cause AKs. Most people get exposed to UV rays from being outside during the day or using tanning beds. You can prevent AKs by protecting your skin from the sun and never using tanning beds or sun lamps.

Listen y’all.  I’m all for accepting people on Facebook something I’ve mentioned before multiple times and I’ve explained my reasons for doing so but when someone posts something a little rude/insulting/off color I do notice.  I may not say anything at first because everyone has the right to their own opinion but when I notice them do it multiple times for no reason other than to hate on me with no provocation I will block/un friend them.  It’s especially unnerving though when I click on their page and I see nothing other than a few other friend’s, no profile picture of themselves...  it’s just creepy.  But yes, I will not tolerate rudeness or trolling (passive aggressive bs!!! The amount of passive aggressive people in this world my goodness!!!) on my OWN freaking Facebook page or Twitter.  Why would I want negative energy on my own wall?  I try to stay away from negative people not because I want to live in a dream world – I’m very aware of my own shortcomings – but if I do need to hear straight talk and negative things about myself I’ll listen to it from my friends and people who I actually care about because their words mean something to me.  So to all the people who want to stir up drama and hatred and who want to troll and expect me to react by mouthing them off – I won’t.  BECAUSE:

So there you have it.  There’s always drama around and people trying to suck your blood.  I won’t let em!!!  Woohoo :D  Have a great day guys.

I think in song lyrics a lot – NOT MY OWN I’m not a lyricist I just REMEMBER song lyrics. 

I carry a notepad with me where I write down song lyrics that are playing in my head (it’s kind of like a diary but written in song.. if I read it I know what I was feeling at that time.. or sometimes it’s just simply a song stuck in my head that has no rhyme or reason for being in my head). 

Sometimes in my notepad I just write whatever happens to strike my fancy – could be something that I want to Google later or something that I want to blog about, or anything really.  I’m going through my notebook right now and I thought I would just share some of the lyrics that have been in my head lately.  If you like lyrics read on!!!  If not I’ll hopefully see you in another post lol.  So these were scribbled in my notebook…  If you want to HEAR me say the lines below PLUS translation please click this (it might be easier to understand): http://www.filedropper.com/vn-20120315-00045

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Eh ajnabi tu bhi kabhi avaaz dey kahin se.  Main yahan tukhro mein jee rahan hu, tu kahi tukhron mein jee rahi hai.  Roz roz resham si hawan aathey jaathey kehti hai bata
resham si hawa kehti hai bata,
vo jo doodh duli masoom kali voh hai kahan kahan hai? voh roshni kahan hai vo jaan si kahan hai main adhoora tu adhoori jee rahin hai THIS JUST GOES TO SHOW THOSE IDIOTS THAT SAY HINDI MOVIE SONGS ARE BS – If you understand the words and the language man they are freaking amazinggg poems.  Some of the most talented lyricists everrr.

“Paas rehkey bhi thi doori (when you were close you were still far), jaaney kaisi thi majboori? (wonder what kind/why there was that problem/circumstance)  Vakht voh bhi ajeeb tha (that time was strange), jab tu mere kareeb tha (when you were close to me).”  To which the guy says “Koh gayi tu ye kis jahan mein? (where have you gotten lost in this world?) main yahan hoon dekh toh zara (I’m right here, just look!)”

“Beedh mein bhi thi tanhayi (Even in a crowd I felt lonesome), yaad har pal teri ayi (I thought of you all the time), rokhey koi mujhey zara (Someone stop me), bhar na aye ye dil mera (my heart just might overflow/fill up)” - - -

Kothey tey charkey vekh di ni maiye koi vekh di veerey da rah.  Dooron te vekha mera veer vi aye mere aya saah vich saah

Tum paas aye yoon muskaraiyen tum ne na jaane kya sapne dikhaye.. kya karoon hai kuch kuch hota hai ;)

Rom rom tera naam pukarey… hum se hum hi chin gaye jab se dekhein nain tiharey

Beliya kya hua jo dil koh gaya?  Mahiyan ishq mein Khuda mil gaya.

Mainey tujhse mohabbat ki hai, ghulami nahin ki balma.

Tujh pe shuru hui tujh pe hi khatm ho duniya meri duniya, duniya meri, jo bhaath dil mein thi, naino ne boldi, main hoon teri main hoon.. main hoon teri.  Tujhko hi yaad karkey ahey baroon mein, mil ke bhi mil na paoon ab kya karoon main?  Mil ke bhi mil na paoon, ab kya karoon mein?

Chaaha tha maine, socha tha mainey, kya kya the armaan dil nadaan ke.  Akhon mein asoo ayi par koi na aya, ab tu kisi ko bhi apna key hai bulaana.

In terms of fashion, at the end of the day – you should do whatever you want BUT, that being said this is a really good quote by Edith Head (something the “rule of a lady” people forgot to mention!!).  Edith is an 8 time Academy Award winner for costume design and designed for some of the most beautiful women in the world – Elizabeth Taylor, Audrey Hepburn, Katherine Hepburn, Grace Kelly and Sophia Loren.. just to name a few.

She really hits it on the nail with this…  I’ll be the first to admit that when I was younger I could have cared less about being a lady!  I was a geek for so long with a flat bum and no boobs that when I got some (a little) I was just like WOOHOO!  If I’m going clubbing or something I’ll wear whatever I feel good in but otherwise I think this is a great rule to have in mind when picking out an outfit.  Tight enough to show you’re a woman, loose enough to show you’re a lady.  DONE!

I’m having a personal melt down right now.  Most of the time I don’t give a eff what someone thinks about me.  Maybe I’ve just developed thick skin over the years or maybe it’s my obsession with women like Marilyn Monroe and Angelina Jolie or maybe it’s the fact that the amount of love that I receive for being myself has eclipsed any naysayers.  I’ve opened myself up to the universe and received so much love in return!!  Maybe it’s because I feel like people have talked so much crap about me that I’m just used to it.  Maybe it’s because I think other people are idiots most of the time and I’m actually super cool.

Sometimes though, sometimes I feel like I am the most out there and weirdest chick ever.  Maybe I’m giving myself too much importance but all of a sudden I’m sitting here with this gripping fear and realization that MAYBE MY PARENTS WERE RIGHT?!

WHO…WHO is going to marry a girl that is this out there, who secretly (or I guess not so secretly anymore) wants to be an actress and writes her thoughts out for the world to see on a blog and wants to put DANCING freaking VIDEOS of herself on Youtube and loves item numbers in Bollywood songs and would totally love to be in one because she doesn’t think it’s “dirty” and thinks people who thinks it’s dirty are dirty.?  Who would want to be with a girl who wants to travel the world and work crazy amazing jobs that are fun because she doesn’t care about money , who wants to be able to get up and leave whenever she wants and live in 3 different countries, who wants to join politics and write and act and dance and host a food n travel tv show and become an Egyptologist and makeup artist?  Who would want to be with a girl who thinks in lyrics and writes lyrics down on paper and wants to save the world while holding a designer bag, who buys Maclean’s, Times, Psychology Today magazines the same time she buys In Touch and Star because Kim Kardashian is on the cover and then takes notes while reading Elle and Vogue, who buys like a book a week from Kobo and Google’s images of Mumbai for fun?  Who would want to be with a girl who feels bad for her teddy bears that don’t get regular hugs and makes sure to divvy them up fairly, who will put her family before anyone else, who actually likes alone time and goes to watch movies in the cinema alone, who shops in the toy section for herself while pretending it’s for her nieces, who cries when Italy doesn’t win the World Cup and eats Pringles like they’re going out of style?  Who would want to be with a girl who is fiercely independent  yet still wants to live with her in laws (and really I mean if I didn’t live with my in laws what would have been the bloody point of learning how to cook roti and every sabji and curry out there – today’s generation sure as heck wouldn’t appreciate my rotis and FYI I can’t make western food only indian and singaporean).  Who would not get scared after checking out my blog? Who would marry a girl who wants someone to run with her not walk and who is so fiercely loyal that she had the same mp3 and camera for 6 years even though she works at an electronics store?  Who  planned out the rest of her life starting from gr.8 the first day she went to her best friends house and is still best friends with her and pretty much followed the plan lol.  Who would want to marry a girl who has strong opinions and thinks for herself?  Hmm…Wait a second I sound kinda cool actually (to myself anyways – and that’s all that really matters!)

Personal meltdown over.  For all of you who no doubt get that gripping fear that you’re never going to find anyone (that everyone feels every once in a while…if you didn’t feel this way you probably wouldn’t be a very nice and compassionate individual) – Here’s some advice for you:

Goodnight boys and girls – wait for the one!!  Oh and…If any asshole leaves or gives up on you, remember – they’re just an asshole! ;)

Sexually liberated or persuaded by males into thinking this will make her attractive/liberated?
It’s all about your point of view isn’t it, but at least make sure your viewpoint is an educated one.  Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
My reason for writing this blog post is because I’m sick of people judging other people who don’t look like them.  I’m also sick of people not knowing anything about other people’s religion and Islam is one of the more misunderstood religions, although Sikhism is often thought to be an extremist, violent religion as well – I will keep this post on Islam.
Pocahontas said it best:

“You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew”

Yeah that’s right I just quoted Pocahontas from a Disney movie and yes I know Disney is effing sexist and racist half the time but I LIKE THE SONG GODDAMIT. 
Look, I understand why so many western women think that women who wear a burqa or hijaab are repressed.  When they hear stories of women who are not allowed to leave their houses or work and simultaneously see images of women in a niqaab or burqa they automatically leap to the conclusion that it is the religion that is oppressive.  I don’t know how many times I’ve heard racist comments by people who I KNOW, people who would consider themselves NOT racist say racist things about Muslim people.  Are there many oppressed Muslim women in this world?  Yes!  Are they oppressed because of Islam?  No!  If you knew anything at all about the religion you would know this.
You think Canada or Vancouver is a place that isn’t very racist?  All you have to do is read news stories online and see the racist comments underneath and you’ll know the truth. 

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“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou

People will never forget how you made them feel.  This is what I want to do in life… I want to make people feel.  I want to be able to make as many people feel as I can.  If I can make someone feel something, then I have distracted them in that one moment from whatever is going on in their life and that one moment of their life is a gift to me… it would be mine and weaved into my tapestry, into my story and would connect me with them. 

I want to take your breath away, I want to make you laugh, I want to make you cry, I want to remind you of someone important in your life.  I want that one moment from you.

This is why I want to be an actor (and this is why since I’m not an actor right now – I write!). 

I’m jealous of Oprah!  Not because of the money (although I wouldn’t say no to a billion dollars…actually maybe I would… too much friggin money)… but because her job allowed her to make other people feel, every single day (and this is why I love Shah Rukh Khan…although mine and his story/love affair is a long story).  I’m jealous of Oprah because everyday when she was standing on her show she knew that that was exactly where she was supposed to be.  Not a lot of people can say that.  That’s a blessing. 

Have you ever watched the musical Burlesque?  In it, Christina Aguilera's character leaves her small town when she realizes that there is literally no one else in that town who’s life she would want.  There was no one there who inspired her enough to make her want to stay.  This is kind of how I feel about Vancouver.  There is NO ONE here whose life I would want, there is no one here, no career position that has inspired me enough to want to stay here and there is no position or job that I could create even to fulfill what I want.  I know what I want, and it’s just not here.  The only thing keeping me in Vancouver right now is my family – I can’t even say my friends because I know I would meet my friends if I moved anywhere else in the world but I can’t just pick up and relocate my family.

I’ve lived in Vancouver for over 15 years now and there came a point where I was overseas and was boarding my flight to come home to YVR and I was just like… what is the point?  What do I have there?  That moment was terrifying to me – that I could have lived somewhere for over a decade and feel that besides my family I have nothing really physically keeping me there.  It was… terrifying, sad, humbling.  It was kind of my “Eat pray love” moment except I couldn’t sell off all my things like her and travel the world with a book deal waiting for me because I have a FAMILY and I have RESPONSIBILITIES… but how I wish I could have!!

Living an uninspired life is a fate worse than death.  I hope I get to fulfill my dreams and I hope you do too!!!  Goodnight everyone.

There are some teachers who truly guide you and influence your life.  Mrs. Hillman was an amazing teacher, I had her as a teacher for two years.. for English 9 and English 10 Challenge/Advanced or whatever it was called (which turned out to be way easier than regular English haha seriously the BEST CLASS I’ve ever had… )

I was never a very memorable kid in school.  I was never the favoured teacher’s pet.  I’ve mentioned before on this blog I think… I was a pretty quiet, shy person for most of elementary and into junior high and I guess you could say I never really bloomed – late bloomer if you will.  Mrs. Hillman was the only teacher who ever actually bothered…she pushed me, cared, and encouraged me to pursue my dreams and saw something in me.  I know that she made countless other students feel the same way and that is why she was truly special.

I remember having some seriously intense conversations with her after school about life and books.  She treated you like an adult and not like an idiot junior high kid.  I remember I called her home phone number one day :$ lol yes I was clearly a weirdo but it was like before the days you could Facebook and email your teacher lol I had some kind of emergency or something…Anywho…  I remember how she told me after class that she was sticking me with this one person who rubbed everyone the wrong way because I was the only person who could control him lol, I remember dissecting books I had read that weren’t in our curriculum with her, she was even one of my references for job applications.  I actually still remember the comments that she gave me on my presentations, my writing (I still have my notes and her comments) and how she scarily knew what I was thinking/my personality.  Sometimes in elementary and junior high I used to think some of my teachers were dumb (like actually stupid I swear to you) and I knew that she knew what she was talking about and I really respected her.  English - reading and writing - was seriously the only thing I was good at and no one ever really gave me any compliments back in the day so her compliments to me and her comments always stuck with me and I truly valued them. 

Thank you Mrs Hillman for being the best teacher ever and you will be missed!!